Shatter me ~A Multi-ship Tragedy~

Levi's depression

Levi's POV

There was times in life were I thought my life was screwed and nothing better would come in the end. I thought killing myself be the solution to everyone's problem since I was apparently mistake to them.

I actually tried to commit suicide before but I promised Mikasa I wouldn't after the last time I tried to commit. The terrible thought of Mikasa being alone and abused I couldn't bring myself to let happen. I only stay alive for her sake and if I wanted to kill myself I would of years ago. But Mikasa somehow always managed to save me, and I thank her for that.

I laid in my bed at 6:00 in the morning just thinking about how depressing my life was and how I was a very unlucky person. I didn't deserve to live but I do my best only for the safety of Mikasa. I thought Hanji was my everything and gave her everything I had and tried to make things better but in the end it all turned out to be a waste of my time. I still couldn't get the thought out of my head though. Leaving(well ditching) Petra on our first date all because she was going to kiss me. I had my reasons though and I knew I wouldn't be dating for a while but Petra was an amazing girl. She was perfect and beautiful

I wished I was in her arms right now so she can comfort me and feel sorrow. My life was an utter despair and disappointment. I finally decided to get up and take a quick warm shower. When I got out I took a look at myself in the mirror. The faded bruises that looked like they was going away, the healed scars, lighten red spots on my skin that somehow appeared there. All from when our parents abused us. It was a terrible sight although I cover myself up wearing a grey shirt with black fake scars on it, black shorts that reached to my knees and black sneakers. I put on a navy blue jacket and then went to the living room and turned the TV on to the news but made sure the volume was low so I didn't wake Mikasa. I started cooking eggs and cut up sausages then went in Mikasa's room to check on her. She was coughing up a storm.

"Mikasa you okay?" I asked as she shot up from her bed and continued coughing. At least it wasn't those ugly coughs.

"I'm fine" she quickly said before coughing again. Then she sniffed. "Ugh your not going to school like that" I tell her as I get up and bring her a box of tissues. I make sure she is comfortable in bed and took off her pants so she wouldn't be warm. I turned her fan on then let up the window a bit and checked her temperature with my hand.

"Yea Mikasa your really sick" I say as I turn her TV on turned the lights off. "I'm fine Levi let me go to school" she said as I gave her a disgusted look. "Your to sick Mikasa I'll get your homework for your classes" I say as she nods. "Mkay" she sniffed before blowing a whole load in the poor little tissue. "Do you feel like eating?" I asked. "Yea" she replies as I walk into the kitchen and turn the stove off.

I made her a small plate of sausage and eggs then brought it to her room and set it down beside her.

"Thanks Levi" she says as I nod and bend down beside her on the bed.

I grabbed her small hand and turned it into a fist so my bigger hands cupped it. I said a small prayer to myself hoping she be better soon then kissed her forehead. "Be safe" I hear Mikasa say as I nod. Anything for her.

At school

When the bell rung for school to start I dread going to first period. I couldn't bring myself to see Petra after what I did Saturday for leaving her alone in the garden. I just hoped she understood.

When I entered first period the shocking part was that I didn't even see Petra. What have I done! I probably embarrassed her that she decided to stay home and not see me. I felt so bad I ruined our date though but tried to not show enough emotion. I went to my seat beside the empty desk Petra should of been sitting in and started doing my work. The whole day I thought Petra would suddenly show up during one of the classes I had with her or I would see her roaming the halls or walking to her table in lunch but I never saw her. Eren came up to me just to wonder where Mikasa was. That shocked me because usually no one ever wanted to see her but at least him and the rest of her few friends cared. When I told him she was sick he asked to visit her after school and I really didn't mind because after school I was going to visit Petra's house.

I hoped she wanted to see me. I texted her earlier during the day if I could come over and all she did was text me her address.

When school was over I grabbed my stuff and quickly left looking up and down the streets for Petra's house. When I finally saw the number I saw a two storied peached color house with a brown roof, there was a small garden in the front and a mail box that spelled out "Ral's"

I went to the door and knocked on it hoping she answer as a few minutes later the door opened.

"Petra!" I say surprised to see her at the door. Why did she stay after school though she didn't look sick or anything.

"Hey Levi why you wanted to come over?" She asked letting me in her house.

It was a decent place.

"I saw you wasn't in school today and wanted to see if you was okay" I say as the smiles. "At least you cared" she said going to the kitchen while I sat down on the couch. "Want anything?" She asked. "Naw I'm fine" I say as she sits next to me. At first it was a moment of silence and she looked like she was forcing herself to say what it was. "Uh you don't have to tell me" I say as she looks away. "It's okay I'll tell" she says then takes a few breathes. "Well I stayed home because yesterday Oluo broke up with me and said I wasn't good for him" she says sniffing. Poor girl. "He said I was useless and since I'm always around you I should just date you instead" she cried wiping her face.

"My dad to, he had got a stroke and ended up in the hospital but I'm lucky he is still okay he is getting to old for himself now" she frowns as I rub her back. It was my turn to comfort her now. "I'm sure he will be okay Petra he will make it because I'm sure he doesn't want to leave you all by yourself" I assure her.

"And as for Oluo you're to good for that guy he doesn't deserve someone as smart and beautiful as you" I say blushing a bit making her smile and blush to. "Thanks Levi" she says. I put my arms on her shoulders. "Believe me Petra I'm serious he doesn't deserve you because a pretty girl like you has to be treated with the right kind of respect" I say as I start to lean in. This was my time to make up for that kiss we was suppose to do Saturday. I wanted to love her and show her I loved her. I knew I did.

But I was surprised when she stopped me when I was so close to her lips. "Sorry Levi I'm just not up for dating or kissing anyone" she says then stands up. I felt embarrassed for thinking she would ever kiss me. "U-uh sorry Petra so sorry!" I blushed nervously as I pushed my hair out of my face. I knew I was done.

"Well uh it's great to see your okay just came to check on you Petra anyway bye" I say grabbing my bag.

She seemed a little stunned and heartbroken but after trying to kiss her and being let down I could of felt more hurt.

"Uh bye" she waves as I left then went home. Good thing I didn't have to work.

I made it home and checked on Mikasa and it was good to see she was doing better.

I went in my room and then dropped everything and plopped on my bed. "Ugh I'm so stupid" I say to myself as I ruffled my hair messing it up. "Maybe I'm not fit to date her and I'm just a guy to her, I have to get over this depression". I did all my homework, took a shower, cooked dinner and helped Mikasa shower to and get back in bed. I turned off everything then went to my room and got in my bed and before I went to sleep I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Petra!
Hey are you ok? I'm sorry for what happened if your upset.

I didn't feel like texting back but I told her I was fine then went to sleep.