Dancing With The Devil by @LillyKenny
Let me just start by saying:
WOW.
I know first chapters should grab the reader's attention and leave them on their knees begging for more, but... you've created the BEST BEGINNING CLIFFHANGER EVER.
Normally, I wouldn't write a review of a two part story, and honestly, I didn't think I'd be able to. But here we are. You have managed to make me feel so many things in just two parts. Bravo!! 👏👏
Anyway, I should probs get to the review now.
Your plot is great. Your characters are great. I'm already attached to Michaela. If anything happens to her I'll scream.
There was one thing grammatically that waved a red flag at me. When you wrote dialogue, it had no punctuation. It looked like this:
"Hello, my name is Jessica" she said
Instead of this:
"Hello, my name is Jessica," she said.
Commas and periods still apply to dialogue. Never ever ever ever ever ever leave a sentence without a period or at least some form of punctuation! And commas go inside the "quotes," I said.
Okay, I've gotten that out of the way, now let's discuss the topic of WHY!?!?
WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME!?! YOUVE KILLED FOUR CHARACTERS WITHIN TWO CHAPTERS! YOU SENT A CHARACTER TO AN ASYLUM! WHY WHY WHY WHY!?!?
Sorry for freaking out, I'm just a passionate reader. Don't stop doing what you're doing. Kill as many characters as you want (just not Michaela because she's a work of art).
H A P P Y W R I T I N G ! !
(Also, sorry for not updating this in a while. I've just not been in the reviewing mood lately. I'm getting back into the swing of things though!)
YOU ARE READING
HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)
RandomThis is a book to help aspiring Harry Potter fanfiction writers! If you would like your fanfic reviewed in detail, we're here to help! We will give you feedback and constructive criticism in order to help you improve your Harry Potter fanfiction. (V...
