This is a book to help aspiring Harry Potter fanfiction writers!
If you would like your fanfic reviewed in detail, we're here to help! We will give you feedback and constructive criticism in order to help you improve your Harry Potter fanfiction.
(V...
(Okay to everyone, I'm sorry I haven't reviewed your stories as quickly as I said I would but with school and stuff, I was super busy)
Alright, this story is confusing. I feel like I say this about a lot of the ones I review—maybe I'm just the confused one—but this one really stands out on the confusing side. You have a whole chapter's worth of information in your description, but not in the story.
It's a great description, no doubt, but there are people (confused people like me) who don't read the description very thoroughly. You requested a review, so I just clicked read without reading the description. My mistake, I suppose.
Anyway, I propose that you tone down your description and put the fine details into your chapters.
Below is a screenshot of a part of your description so I can prove to you what I mean and give an example:
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Don't get me wrong here, it's a great description, but let's make it better!
Okay, all of that useless information on Flo like that she had many friends and can play quidditch and was a Ravenclaw you could probably do without. In fact, you could do without the first three sentences and just hit us with
"Flo's dad didn't just die."
Idk about you, but that is gripping shite.
So just start it with that and carry on... but space out the paragraphs. Like this:
"Flo's dad didn't just die.
No.
He was fatally injured, and his own daughter had to end his suffering."
Putting space between separate ideas, I find, adds in suspense and makes every sentence important.
And can you please not center the text when you're writing the chapters? Centering the prologue is all fine and good, but it might be best if you didn't do that for your other chapters.
And, I'm not complaining, but your chapters are short af. I know I'm always like, "Short is better. Im not reading long chapters. Blah, blah, blah," but yours are like three paragraphs long. Again, write whatever length you want to, but I'm informing you they're v short. :)
I like the pace that things are happening in your story. She isn't in love in chapter two and that's definitely a double thumbs up 👍 👍
I'm sorry this one seems really negative and I don't want it to I really like your story a lot btw!!
