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The Cameron Effect {Marauders Era}

The Cameron Effect by @Dimension_Twinzies74

I love the prologue. It was suspenseful and mysterious and urgent and it grabbed me and I wanted more. Your writing style is amazing and your spelling and grammar is on point! YASS!

Everything is literally great! Your characters are boss (maybe a little too boss), and I like that you made Mata deaf. It was interesting and cool she slays!!

Okay, but when you write curse words like the devil's house and the poopy word and the f-word, you use these fancy lil things (***) in place of the vowels. That's all well and good, but it isn't good quality.

If you're going to use curse words (which is totally fine) don't put the lil star thingy in it. Just type it out. I understand that swearing is like a sin and it's bad and all, but if you're going to curse, do it right. Or don't do it at all.

There are lots of variations for the f-word; here's a list:

Fiddlesticks 😭

Frick 😤

Fudge 🍫

Fart 💨

Flobberworm 🐛

There are lots of other ways to curse without using these (***) it fl*bb*rw*rms up the quality.

I love your story, I love your characters, and I love where it's going! Update when you update; who cares about the readers begging for updates? Don't pay them any mind!

If they really want to read your story, they'll wait for you. That's how this system works.

I feel like your characters are at risk of becoming Mary Sues... they aren't by any means, but that doesn't mean there aren't signs. Be careful with them. Even though ones deaf, doesn't make her "flawed" in a sense. That's a physical flaw, not really a flaw with a character trait.

And they're both like... total kickbutts! It's great that they can stand up for themselves, but they blow everything out of proportion, and it gets a little annoying. Can't they just... not? Like, do they need revenge on everyone?

I'm telling you this, please be careful that they aren't too perfect. The fact that she already learned to sign her spells and that it never fails to work for her is a little Mary Sue-ish.

And also no one, not even someone who has done it their whole life, is able to lip read perfectly. She was perfectly reading everyone's lips when they were shouting. That's like unreal. It's basically impossible. There should be a bit of trouble with that.

And your chapters were as long as the fickin Oregon Trail. My personal opinion on long chapters is totally negative, but do whatever you want with your chapter lengths. It really doesn't matter that much.

Aside from that, your story is truly spectacular! Happy writing!

-Jtsquared4