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Stars {Next Gen Harry Potter}

Stars by @TheOrangeGryffindor

First, I'd like to say that your cover is beautiful. It's absolutely stunning.

Alright, moving right on... Maddison is the weirdest child in the freaking world. What is she even doing with her life? She says the most random things, and I'm just going to say this: random doesn't always equal funny.

I understand that you're trying to add humor to the story, and I appreciate that. I'll admit, I laughed out loud reading your story. There were parts when her randomness is funny, but there are parts when it isn't.

She's always random. I feel like you could tone that down just a bit. I understand that it's one of her many character traits, but it becomes a little too much at some point. Towards the beginning, it's hilarious, but as we get further through, I'm just like, "Shut your face Maddison I want to get to the plot here!"

Now let's talk about your plot. The meat and cheese of the story. The most essential part of the story.

I have to say—and I mean this in the nicest way possible—your plot is as random as Maddison. Okay, I get that their parents went missing, but Maddison and Allen are totally unfazed by this. It's like they don't even care that they're gone. Like they woke up and said, "Mom and Dad are gone. Let's order pizza."

Okay, and why are they not at their house? I understand that their parents are missing, but what about their other relatives? Got none? How about family friends? Too antisocial for friends? Go live with Harry Potter!

So far, there are two kids alone walking to a complete stranger's house because he sent them a letter. They're starving because neither of them packed food, and they're probably dirty as well because they probably didn't pack clothes either. Come to think of it, did they even pack anything? They just left their home with no food, clothes, or water?

I'm going to need more details about the parents and their house because the dots aren't quite connecting here. Was there no time for them to pack? Was the house destroyed? Even if it's a mysterious type description, I feel like a huge chunk is missing. Give the readers something to wait for. Give us enough information that all we want is the next chapter.

Next point.

I'm about to get real technical here and inform you that your chapters are lowercase. It's an easy fix. You can either make every chapter lowercase, or you can capitalize them all. Just, please, whatever you do, be consistent.

And this is a minor thing but Lily is spelled with only one L and the end. I looked it up to make sure.

And... weird question... but, how old is Allen? Is he older than Maddison? He seems older, and I really like his character honesty. I'd just like to know how old he is. It's probably something good to add.

Okay, your story is really good. It's funny, your characters are great, and... I don't know how to explain it, but there is just something very enjoyable about reading it. I hope this review helped you out a bit :)

Stay cool,

-Jtsquared4