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Lighting The Way {Peter Pettigrew}

Lighting the Way by @ThorsDarkPrince

Let me just say that the premise of this story is amazing. I love a Peter friendship story, and I love Peter himself as a character. It makes me so angry when people pretend like he didn't exist or was this evil being from day one, because I personally relate a lot to Peter. So, a big round of applause to you for writing a nice little Peter fanfic.

I have noticed that at the end of every chapter you have a large author's note explaining the chapter. Now, I have nothing against AN's because I use them too, but I do have a problem with the explaining thing. I don't need to know your reasoning for him having a crush on Lily. I mean, if I went to Hogwarts during that Era, I know I'd have a crush on her too. She is such a kick butt girl!

Okay, back to the AN's. As readers, we don't need to know the reasoning for your characters' actions. I don't need you to tell me why Charlie went to the bathroom or why Susan likes puppies. As a writer, you don't need to tell us why. In fact, you shouldn't. I will not stop you from doing that; explain all you want, but just know that it is better to just let the reader do the guessing and come up with their own explanations. The readers don't need to know everything; in fact, I find that it's more fun to not tell the readers anything.

And you don't need to justify what you're writing. You write beautifully, and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain everything. Let your writing speak for itself.

And when I say that you write beautifully, I truly mean it. I love the style of your writing, and I like how the information all fits together like a perfectly constructed puzzle. Your style of writing is something I am sort of envious of. When I read your writing, I feel like I am transported to Hogwarts and am sitting beside your characters, watching the story play out as you've written. You don't just write things down; you have created art.

As for your characters, as I have mentioned in a lot of previous reviews (so many times that I feel like I'm repeating myself too much, so trust me; you're not alone here), authors tend to add in a lot of characters. I myself am also guilty of this, and it honestly isn't a bad thing in your case because you've written them all so beautifully. However, I did find myself forgetting who your characters were at times. I got all of the names mixed up, and that can be a pandemonium for me because I must keep track of everything. But there were so many characters that I got lost a lot more than I would've liked.

Maybe I skipped over an important description of a character or something, but I literally forgot who everyone was. You should make sure to add in little things about your characters appearance or actions in order for them to stick in the readers' heads. When I read on here, I find that a general description of the characters is not enough for me to fully see them. "She has blonde hair and blue eyes," is not as good of a description of a character as, "The blonde girl stared at him with such intensity in her blue eyes that she appeared stern and mean." Try to connect their appearance to their actions, if that makes any sense whatsoever...

Overall, there isn't mush I have to critique here. I really like your story and your characters, and as I have previously mentioned, I think your writing is basically art. You have a wonderful story set up so far, and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! :)

-jtsquared4