HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)

A Wizard and His Dragon {Marauders Era}

A Wizard and His Dragon by @AnilaBay

Generally, I don't have many bad things to say about your story. Everything flows nicely together and your characters are enjoyable to read about. You have an excellent plot, and I like the direction it's going.

However, I think you're going there too fast. There are a few parts in the story where I felt that something wasn't needed or that the explanations were too vague.

Whenever Samuel was introducing the tutor, he went off into a whole lot of details. Why did he do that exactly? Did he really have to tell us everything about the tutor? Couldn't the reader have gained that information on their own?

Speaking of the tutor, I feel like you don't give enough on her. You have described her entire family background and schooling, but when she finally shows up, you don't tell us much about her. You don't give use Elliott's feelings on her.

That's another thing I wished to see more of. You mostly gave a general description of the scene, but you never told us exactly how Elliott was feeling. Since he is the main character, I feel like it would be appropriate to have the narrator tell us his own personal thoughts.

Also, you have a lot of fantastical elements in your story, but for someone who doesn't know a lot about fantasy things, I didn't quite understand what you were trying to get across. I think you should tell exactly what the bond between Elliott and Samuel does, not just how to get rid of it.

Also, there are a few parts of your story that feel rushed. The part when Fenrir pops up is really rushed. The attack scene went by in a snap; I would've liked to read more about how Elliott felt, and maybe see the scene with more details and imagery.

But props to you for making me cry when the house elf died. That was really good writing there.

And I would like more information on this dragon. Clearly Samuel knows a lot, so it might be nice for you to let us know maybe where it comes from and how this shapeshifting ability is useful or rare or of any real value. I just want more information on the dragon.

Overall, your story was really enjoyable to read. I like your characters and the way your story flows, there weren't very many grammatical errors, and the plot is very interesting. You've got a really cool story, and I hope I was able to offer some help!

Keep up the fantastic writing! :)

-Jtsquared4