HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)

Mirror of Desire {Remus Lupin}

Mirror of Desire by @Slytherpuff-Dun-Mare

Alright, let's cut to the chase.

I know that in your first and second chapters you fixed it,but in your prologue you used commas incorrectly. When you use a comma,there is a space after it. Again,I know you fixed it,but the opening chapter is the most important one,so you should probably fix that.

"Also in your prologue, you used quotes incorrectly."Jessica said,"but you did fix it, so it's all good."Again, spaces do matter.

Not to be a total poop, but... why, why, wHy, WhY, WHY are these Remus Lupin fanfics always the same?!?! Why is she the daughter of Greyback, the sister of Greyback, the fourth cousin five times removed of Greyback, bitten by Greyback, the adopted child of Greyback, Greyback's neighbor, Greyback's mother's brother's sister-in-law's cat's child? Why is Greyback always a part of the OC's family tree? It doesn't get any more unoriginal than that when it comes to R. J. Lupin fanfics.

I'm not telling you to change it; I'm just saying it's a bit overused.

Your writing style is amazing! After the prologue, your story is really easy to read and understand. Your information flows together really nicely.

Okay, moving on... if our pal Remus knows about Peter "ratting" (lol I'm hilarious) out the Potters to Voldy, then why on this green earth does he still think Sirius is a traitor/murder? Like, he KNOWS it was all Peter, but he still blames Sirius?? If Remus knew about Peter, you'd bet your butt he'd do whatever it took to clear his friend's name because he already lost James, Lily, and Peter, and he doesn't want to lose Sirius too. He wouldn't be going back to school; he be saving Sirius.

Speaking of going back to Hogwarts (not the song, but the actual concept), why exactly is Rem Rem going back anyway? You never said why. Honestly, I don't think he can go back. The whole death of Lily and James didn't happen until after they graduated. He wouldn't need to go back. He'd be like 22ish and the oldest student there would be 18. None of this adds up at all.

Lastly, why on earth did everyone die? Why can't someone just live???

Again, I don't mean to take a clunk on your story (you are a talented writer), but things do need a little bit more details.

Hope this helps!

-Jtsquared4