HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)

Asphodel Potter

Asphodel Potter by @amoniant

Alright, I'm going to go in order with what came up first in the story.

First: paragraph spacing. Your spacing is weird.
It's like this. There is no space in between paragraphs. It hurts my eyes and you can't in-line comment with spacing like this.
       And it's inconsistent too. If you're going to do without the double entered paragraphs, please don't randomly start indenting and then suddenly start double entering.
It's very inconsistent and annoying to the reader if the style is inconsistent throughout.
There is nothing wrong with paragraphs like this; it's just easier to read if everything is separate.

Okay screw numbers, but the best thing is her brains. ASPHODEL IS A FRICKIN GENIUS. THAT SLY LITTLE FOX SHOVED THE LETTER DOWN HER SHIRT. YOU GO! THATS SOMETHING HARRY NEVER WOULDVE DONE BECAUSE HES AN IDIOT.

Your chapter length was very very very very very long. It's totally okay, but I have to say, it might be better to split some of your chapters into two (or even three) to cut down on length. Personally, I don't like reading super long chapters. Some people do; I just don't.

I feel like the entire story is just Soccer's Stone rewritten. The dialogue is basically the same. When I'm reading a fanfic, I don't want to read HP over again.

I know it's different, but I'd like to see more major differences. Not just name, gender, amount of common sense, or appearance. I'm looking for major plot changes and twists. I want cliffhangers and I want suspense.

Okay, but she's like, "wizards aren't real! This letter is trash!" but Hagrid shows up and she's just like, "Yep, it's all true now thanks hairy dude!" Shouldn't she be in denial? Like, she just automatically believes him even though she said before she didn't.

AND ID LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR NOT NAMING HER HARRIET OR HILLARY OR ANYTHING THAT STARTS WITH A FRICKIN H. THANKS THANKS THANKS AGAIN.

Your writing is very good though! Your word choices, descriptions, and dialogue are all very well written! Keep up the great writing!

Jtsquared4