The Billion Dollar Mistake

32. Clean

She stared at me, never saying a word. Her eyes were searching for something that I probably couldn't give her. My chest tightened as her suffocating silence surrounded me. I moved to her eyes and connected with her furrowed brow. She narrowed her eyes and sighed.

"Okay." She said simply. I let out a forgotten breath and tightened my grip on her hands. She looked at our entwined fingers with wide eyes and jerked hers away. I tried to ignore the pang in my chest as I took a deep breath.

"I was married when we met." I confessed, playing with my fingers. That wasn't a secret, but it was a start.

"Gee, I didn't know that." She replied sarcastically.

"I deserve that." I sighed. "Her name was Natalie. We had been married for almost three years at the time. We're divorced now."

"Why are you telling me this?" She cut in with fire in her eyes.

"I want you to know everything." I stared into her eyes, grabbing her hands. "To know why I stayed away."

She nodded slowly. I took another deep breath.

"I married her because she...she was pregnant." I rushed out. "I'm not sure if she lost the baby or if she had an abortion, but one day she just told me that she wasn't pregnant anymore."

Harper's shocked expression changed to one of guilt, then hurt. I paused to calm myself before continuing.

"I stayed, thinking that she would need me because we just lost our child. We were trying for another one, but then shit got crazy and all she wanted to do was shop and do expensive things. I got sick of it and used Cree's birthday as an excuse to get away."

She didn't need to know that I had already had my eyes on her once we got there. My choice had been easy. Eva was too outgoing. She would have definitely sold herself to the tabloids. Even Cree didn't want to risk it and he was the wild one. Ruger played the perfect wingman not knowing that he was going to fall for Eva.

"Fast forward to right before you left, Nat got an anonymous tip that I was taking care of another woman." I rubbed the bridge of my nose before continuing. "She basically stated that if I didn't stop, she was going to turn my entire family in."

"Explain." She encouraged.

"I am Lucien Roma Myles of the Romano and Rosa families. I am a mob baby. While I'm not directly involved, my brother is. As well as my father, grandmother, uncle, aunts, and Ruger. I couldn't risk them getting taken down because of my issues." I sighed as she nodded. She was eerily silent and that alone bothered me.

"So you stayed away to save your family? Even though Lucia is also your family?" She quirked an eyebrow. I nodded softly. There was no other way to word that and it was truly fucked up. 

"Then what happened? Why are you here now?"

"She got pregnant by someone else and violated our prenuptial agreements. I immediately divorced her and as soon as it finalized, I started planning to come here. I had Guess make her sign a gag order so anything pertaining to my family would result in her admitting to being an accessory to any crimes committed in the past ten years." I confessed. Nat didn't handle that well at all. She freaked out in the conference room and tried to throw the glass pitcher at me. Then in the courtroom, she listed all of my infidelities and my addictions to the judge. The judge did grant her a year and a half of alimony. So basically, she was still living off me.

"How did you get here?" Harper tilted her head. She looked so conflicted. Here I was admitting to things that could put everyone I know in danger. I was willing to answer whatever she asked. I owed her some form of honesty.

Honestly, I wish I would have dealt with Nat sooner. She didn't deserve my care, Harper did. If killing her wasn't such a messy situation, I definitely would have. I could have had her dealt with, but that was something I wanted to do. I wish I would have listened to the people around me. I would have at least had the balls to be in my daughter's life. Not just on a stalker level, I'm talking personal. Lucia was the one innocent person in this chaos and I'd done her completely wrong. I would spend my life making it up to her.

"You weren't exactly hidden, I knew the general area, Eva just gave me an address." I shrugged. While Eva was on the do not trust list, she did come through for me. But even though she helped me reconnect with my daughter, I still want to put a bullet through her head. 

"What happens now?" She mumbled. I shrugged, I honestly had no answer.

"It's up to you, you're her mother." I responded softly. "I'll work with whatever you feel is right, I just want to know her. I know she already has a -"

"She doesn't call Carson daddy. I just said that to make you jealous." She admitted. I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn't have to kill him. I hated getting my hands dirty. "I want to say I'm sorry, too. I was wrong for running away. Lucia is yours, too. I should have at least told you my whereabouts. I felt so guilty, that's why I kept you updated. I had convinced myself that you were some evil man that I needed to get away from. Even though she was a mistake, you still loved her and I took her from you."

"You did nothing wrong. It was all me. I abandoned you and turned you away several times. I should have just been honest. Our daughter is not a mistake. A surprise, maybe. I couldn't have picked a better woman to have my kid. I just wish I would have realized that before it was too late." I assured her. From what I saw, Harper was a damn good mother. She was a natural to me. They had a strong bond that I watched in awe. I only hope that I'm half as good at parenting as her. 

"We both made terrible decisions, huh?" She mumbled, playing with her fingers. 

"I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I swear from here on out, I'll always be here if you need me. If you need money, call me. Lucia is sick, I'll come running. You just need a hug, I'll be on the next thing smoking." I grabbed her hands, making her look me in the eyes. "I'm here for the rest of my life and beyond."