S t o r m Cloud

F i f t y T w o

「  F I F T Y  T W O 」

:

Reinventing yourself is easier said than done.

You think you can just change your hair colour, bite the bullet and slap on a smile. A facade. It doesn't stop memories plaguing your mind.
A common reoccurrence of mine. Moving on is suffocating. The healing process tedious. All things Scarlett found hard to cope with. She had come to the conclusion after one of her nightly scares leaving her in a tormented state of terror that she hated the healing process. She just wanted to skip through every step and get to her end goal. Currently it was working out great on the outside. She could bat her eye the other way in some cases but each time she did she's flinch away at the corresponding memories creeping into her mind. Every deal, every party, every interaction with these people. Her mind was a swirling storm of rage and confusion. She wanted to forget, she wanted to move on but this world she was now In was suffocating, she refused to drown.
Scarlett sat on the small window seat of her new room. A small cup of tea at her lap as she stared out the window out towards the flickering lights of the city. The indigo sky fading into a paler blue awaiting the suns calming rise to paint the smudges of warmth across the way. Her nose crinkling at the thought of earlier. Her dress was draped across the back of a chair tucked beside a lavish vanity makeup wipes left out along with matted extensions of silver hair.
Only one thing on her mind as she fought, struggled to suppress the monsters plaguing her deteriorating mind. Two simple words.

Fuck
Off

Sitting at this window had become a ritual of mine. I was starting to think I was slowly going insane. Harley has recommended having a cup of herbal tea to help me sleep. Yeah that just wasn't working out. I could drink all the tea in the world and feel like a aristocrat from back when from years long gone, star in episode of downtown abbey or something along the lines of those old timey shows that my aunt was obsessed with and still be sitting like a traumatised teenager trembling with bags under my eyes. My life feels like a twisted tale of Alice in wonderland. My fingers massaging circles into my temples in hopes to ease the headache creeping back in. A groan leaving my lips as I picked up my empty tea cup sneaking down the corridor to place the cup into the sink. The hum of the refrigerator the only sound in the entire house. My bare feet crept around the halls. I'd wandered these halls countless times by now. Memorised every path every door. I'd done what a child does. I'd counted all the windows, all the doors. I'd spent an entire afternoon doing so. All to keep myself entertained on my own personal house arrest. As I crept past Jokers office I noticed the light flickering from underneath the door. Surprised that he as still awake I hesitated debating whether or not to go in or not. We hadn't spoken since the woods incident. We tended to just avoid each other. He'd come to the conclusion that I wouldn't take part in his schemes but I would bat an eye the other way. I wasn't like them. But I could sure as hell act like them. He'd seen it. He'd seen what I was capable of. He wouldn't let something like that slip through his cynical fingers. Harley seemed to believe my new persona. She'd taken my new personality in full swing. Embracing my new quirks. So had Grayson and Johnny. I'd questioned Johnny on the were about a certain gingers where abouts. Johnny dismissed the subject telling me to drop it so in turn I did. Jerome valeska what have you done.
I sat in the hallway on the small puff couch opposite a large window. This was my favourite it had the perfect view of the city. It made me feel so small but in a almost euphoric way. My feet tucked under one another as I rested my head under my arms upon the armrest. My eyes drooping  as I watched the flicker of the sunlight beginning to creep behind the rising clouds separating  lazily stretching across the lightening sky, but not light enough to be deemed day. My eyes letting me succumb to the darkness of my dreams. The silhouettes of my memories flooding my body drowning me from the inside out.