Alexandria

Chapter 27

Alexandria's POV

We walked out of the church. John with us too this time. No one of said anything, we just walked down the graveyard. Around and around between the graves. I saw one further away, well not a grave, more like a hole. I knew that it was Danielle's place. John saw it too. He looked over on me with saddened eyes and he nodded. 

"We should go back to everyone", Emmie said. 

"Yeah", Carl mumbled. 

"Go ahead, I have to talk to Alexandria", John said. 

I gave him a confused look and stayed with him while the others walked to the parking lot. 

"I'm really happy that you came. And I know that Danielle is too", he said and smiled a little, the smile didn't reach his eyes though.

"Of course I did, she's my best friend and practically sister", I said.

"She uhm… left you a note", he said. "It's back home but you can come with us if you want too." 

"I'd love that", I said and then we started to walk towards the parking lot. 

I joined John back to his place. His parent's had stayed at the church to talk to some relatives. I guess that's what people use to do after a funeral. No one blamed John not for being there though. 

"It's in her room. I'll order pizza okay?" he said.

"Yeah sure", I said and walked towards Danielle's room. 

I hesitated a bit before I opened the door. Inside was everything as it used to be. Just left like she had left it. And the whole room smelled like her too. I walked over to her bed where the note John was talking about was. I sat down on the bed with the note in my hands a long while before I opened it and read what Danielle wrote.

Hi sis. I'm so sorry for leaving this way. I'm sorry for the pain I'm causing you. Please understand that I never wanted to leave you behind, I just couldn't live in this world anymore. 

I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am for having you as my friend, as my sister. You always saw the good things in me, you always protected me from all the bad, you saved me. I'm so glad that I got to know you, it made my life worth living for a while. And I'm so happy for you who got to live you're biggest dream. I couldn't have been prouder when I saw you on stage that night. 

And please, don't blame yourself for what I did. Nothing you could have said could prevent this from happen.  

Do you remember that night when I tried to do it the first time? Three years ago. You told me to listen to the words Andy said in Never Give In. You told me to take that message and always have it with me. That I would write it down if I so needed to. I did. I always had it in my mind, and in my left pocket on my jeans. But it wasn't because of what the lyrics said. It was because you told me to. That was what helped me through it all. 

But not forever though. Please understand that the pain was too big. Something I just couldn't live with. Something I didn't want to live with. I made my choice and I'm hopefully in a better place now.

So please, don't be too upset about this. You have probably stopped tour now to read this letter. Go back. Go back on stage and do what you're meant to do. What does you happy. Sing your heart out every night. Do it for me. And sing my song (you can find it on my computer c;). And I promise you that I will be there watching with a smile on my face every time.   

Don't worry, we'll meet again. And then we can live eternally. 

I love you forever Alex. 

/Danielle<3

The tears fell from my eyes, smeared out the text on the letter. I just wanted to disappear. Wanted to go after her. But I couldn't and I wouldn't. I would do as she told me. I would go back on tour and continue living my life. I would live it for her. 

I walked over to her computer that was on the nightstand text to the bed. I opened it. The last thing she did on that computer was to listen to Avenged Sevenfold, Danger Line. Always Avenged, I thought and smiled a little. 

I opened the documents and started to search for her song. I found it after just a couple of minutes. I then sat there and listened to her voice as she sang the lyrics. It was also then I realized that it was I who played guitar. It was the day I was at Jimmie's place the first time. We had recorded this before we left for his house. The memory made me smile bigger. For the first time in a long time, a real smile. I wrote down the lyrics on my phone, I already knew the chords.  

I was just gonna turn of the computer when I saw that she had left Facebook up. I looked on what she had looked on last time, messages. And I read them all. I read all the mean stuff people wrote to her. And it totally broke my heart. There was from one what I reacted on the most. The meanest of them all. The guy who had bullied her the most when back in school.  

"I'll do what you told me but first I need to kick some ass", I muttered and shut the lid on the laptop  down.

"John, I'll be back soon!" I shouted before I headed outside.

It was in the middle of the summer, I knew where everyone would be. The beach. Luckily for me, Danielle's house was only minutes away from the beach. It was full of people. I started to search after him and again, luckily for me, I found him. He sat on the beach with a couple of friends and was having a good time. 

I walked over with angry steps to him. He saw me coming and grinned.

"Well isn't it Miss Rockstar? Visiting your little emo-friend?" he said and grinned bigger.

"You fucking idiot! Are you happy now? Do you felt like you succeed?" I yelled in his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked and took a few steps back.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked and held up Danielle's note in front of his eyes. "That's a fucking suicide-note from my best friend. Congratulations! You KILLED her!"

He didn't answer me just stood and looked at me with big eyes. "L-look I-I n-never…" he stuttered  but I interrupted him. 

"You never meant the words you said right? You never meant for this to happen. Well it fucking did! I hope you're happy!", I yelled. 

And then I punched him on the jaw really hard which made him fall to the ground.  I might look small but I sure as hell now how to use my fists. 

I walked away as his friend tried to help him up. My work here was done.