Ruin || Shawn Mendes

Issues

A few weeks later...

{Shawn's POV}

It took every inch of my body to not turn back around to Lexi that day and say that I made the biggest mistake and that I miss her so much.

I purposely haven't been to the studio in case I just see her around. This sounds so pathetic. Although I was coming today to meet up with my friend Niall to chat about a collaboration.

I drove all the way into Toronto, praying that I wasn't going to see her there.

------------------------------------
{Lexi's POV}

I put my headphones down onto the table, grinning away.
I was working on my new song called Issues. I wrote this song a few weeks ago and with Jake's help producing, it will be out next month.
I decided to not ask for Geoff's help, not because I feel like he won't be professional, but he's still Shawn's friend, and I can't bring myself to think about him.
Well that's a lie. He's all I've thought about. But the way he left me, I'll never forget that.
Move on already everybody says.

"Hey I'm just going to find Andrew and see if he's free to listen to this." I say to Jake.
"Sure, hey would you be able to pick me up a coffee?" He jokes.
"Sure, I won't be long."

I close the door behind me and make my way down a few flights of stairs to the small coffee area on the ground floor.

I scramble in my bag to find my purse, I finally got it and got out a few dollars.

"I'll take an ice green tea please." A guy a few people in front of me asks.

This wasn't just a guy. Shawn. It was Shawn.

I froze, I wanted to just run away so that he wouldn't see me. But my feet wouldn't move. Perhaps I have to face him.

Nonetheless when he got his drink he turned around and looked right at me and said nothing. Not even hi. It was as if the months we had spent together, the time I spent loving him, just weren't important. As if they hadn't happened. He was a stranger.

All I wanted to do was shout his name so that he would acknowledge me.
Instead I ran to the closest bathroom and I locked myself inside.
I slid my back down the bathroom wall, and before I knew it water dripped from my eyes down the bridge of my nose and only my cheek. I thought I was over him, I really thought I was. But seeing him, all my feelings came back like a tidal wave. Before I knew it I was sobbing, muffling my quiet screams of anger, frustration, and sadness. I was a broken record.

------------------------------
{Shawn's POV}

I couldn't look back. I couldn't even bring myself to say hey. I knew she was hurting but so am I. I know I should try moving on but she was the best thing to happen to me. I went straight back to my studio room where Niall was waiting for me.

"Hey sorry, they ran out of soy milk, is regular okay? I say, as I walk in.
"Oh no that's fine Shawn. Hey are you okay? Look's like you've seen a ghost..."
"In some senses." I try to joke, although this wasn't funny.
"You want to talk about it?" Niall asks, looking concerned.
"I guess, but it's kinda long..."

"Shawn we're mates..."

"So I'm guessing you know that I went out with that singer Lexi Taylor?" I say.
"Of course I do, you two were like the pop power couple." He replies. "You've broken up I'm guessing?"
"Yeah, in some senses. None of us have told the media. It's not their place to know, plus I'm sure they'll figure it out for themselves soon."

"So what happened? Busy schedules?"

I gave him a brief summary of our relationship.Of how it came to be, The night I kissed Lauren, And then kissing Erin in Australia.

"Did you love her?"

I nodded.

"Why didn't you call her if you knew she left? Why didn't you fight for her?" Niall asks, stunned.

"Because." I pause. "I don't know. I wasn't good for her, I hurt her, you know? I hurt her all the time and sometimes, sometimes... I meant to and I hated myself for it but I couldn't stop. I loved when she stared at me with her big brown eyes that were glistening from the tears. She was so in love with me and I took advantage of it, I was toxic for her. But I loved her. I still do love her. I think a part of me always will. But she deserved so much more and when I left her, I swear the cracks were visible through her eyes. You could see the pain she was feeling just by looking at her face. But I guess sometimes, you have to hurt someone to help them."