Ruin || Shawn Mendes

Walking Away

{Lexi's POV}

I'm such a idiot. Who am I kidding, hearing his voice and seeing his stupid smile made me realise that I still love him and always will. I hate myself.

I couldn't bear to be there a second longer, I had to get some air.
I walk around the gardens of the venue, looking up at the stars and wiping my eyes.

"LEXI-LEXI?-"

I turn around and see Shawn running over to me.
"Just stop. Please." I plead.
"Lexi-? Please can we just talk?" He pleads.
"What's there to talk about Shawn? I can't do this anymore. I was doing so well. And the moment I see you I can't concentrate. You can't keep doing this to me." I cry.

"I can't stop thinking about the day where I saw you at the parking lot and I let you go." Shawn says.

"Do you want to know the worst part about walking away ?" I ask him. "It's hoping that they'll run after me. That they'll stop me and tell me not to leave. That they'll beg me to stay. And tell me that they need me." I say. "But they never do. You never did."

"And do you know how much I regret that Lexi?" Shawn says, staring into my eyes.

"I waited for you Shawn." I say.
"What do you mean?" He replies.

"I waited for you for so long. I watched my phone every night, waiting for a phone call that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I'd never get. I just wanted to hear you say that you were sorry for hurting me, and that maybe you wanted to get back together. I hoped and hoped... I thought that you might miss me too. I thought you just didn't know what you wanted. But, I finally realised that you didn't miss me at all, that I was definitely not what you wanted, and that I never meant that much to you anyway..."

"Lexi when I saw you at the coffee place, I saw you smile at me. I couldn't smile back, I'm not strong like you. I couldn't smile at you knowing that I broke you."
"We just need to move on Shawn." I say.
"But we don't have to. I still love you and I know deep down you still love me too." Shawn says.

"No, I can't-"

"Meet  me Sunday in my studio room at midnight, I have something I really want to show you." He pleads.
"Shawn I'm not going to meet you. Can't you tell that I don't want to be involved with you again? I don't care about you Shawn."
"But-?"

"Just leave me alone for God's sake. Go back to touring or something."
"PLEASE?" He yells.

I take a deep breath before walking back up to him.
"I'm sorry Lexi-"
"Sorry is nothing but a word when it comes to you. I hate this... I hate us and I hate you. From now on, just leave me alone."

I walk away from him, but the only thought in my mind is 'you could never hate him' and I break down even more knowing that it's true."

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{Shawn's POV}

"I'll still be there if you change your mind." I say, as she walks off.
I sit down at a near by bench. I slouch over and put my hands through my hair.

"Where did she go?" A female voice asks.
I look up to see Olivia frantically running over to me.

"She must've gone back inside." I huff.
"I don't want to cause an argument with you Shawn because it's my wedding day and you sang a really fricking amazing song but what the hell happened? You just finished playing the song and she runs out crying?!"

"I thought she might still love me, and that's why she ran out. But instead she doesn't care about me. She hates me." I hold in my tears.
"Don't you say she doesn't care about you. I've seen her break down every time she see's a picture of you hugging another girl. I've seen her stare out of windows or done out thinking about how empty she is without you. I've held her while she cried asking why you'd do this to her, then coming to the conclusion she isn't good enough for you. She may lash out and say things she doesn't mean, but trust me, I've never seen anybody so in love with another person. I have known her my whole life and you're the only person she's let in. Don't say she doesn't care, because that girl would still- to this day- give up her entire life for you. And if you're serious about her, then I will drag her to that studio myself. You're both still in love with each other."

"How do you know about the studio?" I ask.
"Well Ian is Geoff's brother, who happens to know what the only song you wrote completely on your own was about."

"I thought that I was bad for her, I thought she'd be better off without me. I made a mistake." I say.

"I know you did." She replies.