brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S1E14 'The Ebony Falcon'

When Sergeant Jeffords returns to fieldwork in an undercover operation, Jake tries to keep his emotions in check. Meanwhile, Amy and Rosa come to Gina's aid after she's robbed.

Charles: He is so strong but so gentle. He's like an enormous, muscular Ellen DeGeneres.

Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta?! You just blew my cover!

Jake: Or did I save your life?

Sergeant Jeffords: Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a superior officer?!

Jake: I'm sensing from your tone it's that one.

Charles: The boss at the academy, he invented a new weight class for me. You're looking at the undisputed bubble-weight champion.

Jake: Yes! The Ebony Falcon soars again.

Charles: The Ebony Falcon. His feathers are muscles.

Jake: All right, we're doing this. Let's play wife or dog. Hey, so, Scully, what do you do at the park with Kelly?

Scully: Oh, we just walk around. She gets antsy if she doesn't get outside enough. Then it's just yap, yap, yap, yap, all day long.

Boyle: Hey, what's Kelly's favorite food?

Scully: Peanut butter. She'll eat it right out of the jar.

Sergeant Jeffords: How old is Kelly again?

Scully: Well, she's getting up there, but she's pretty sprightly for her age. Especially considering she got hit by that car a year ago.

Jake: Ah, that's so awful. Was she chasing something into the street or..?

Scully: No. She was getting my the newspaper.

Jake: All right, this is useless. Scully, is Kelly your wife of your dog?

Scully: How can you ask me that?

Jake: I still don't know which it is.

Boyle: Could be either.

Jake: I could not tell you.

Jake: Terry Jeffords is back. Chest bump me.

Sergeant Jeffords: You don't want to do this, man.

Jake: No, I really do.

Sergeant Jeffords: It hurts you every time.

Jake: No, I know, but I'm fired up and the adrenaline is going to carry me through.

Rosa: You don't have locks on your windows?

Gina: Way to blame the victim. Sorry I'm not rich like you, Ms. 1%.

Rosa: They cost $8. You have a fur bed spread.

Captain Holt: She's scared.

Amy: She's not scared. With all due respect, sir, Gina has no feelings.

Jake: And you'll be happy to know that he punched me in the face several times.

Raymond: That does make me happy.

Jake: Guess we're being candid today.

Jake: Oww! My lucky face!