brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S2E22 'The Chopper'

Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.

Captain Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

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Jake: That's not what I meant. No, we have to fight her.

Captain Holt: We're not going to fight her. She's the devil. And you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in Madeline's case she has no rhythm, and her hands are like little rat claws.

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Jake: Okay, just so we're clear, from this point forward, my call sign will be Death Blade.

Boyle: And I'll be Rum-tum-tugger.

Jake: No, Boyle, no characters from Cats. Dig deep. Think of something scary.

Boyle: Adolf Hitler.

Jake: No! You will be Sidewinder.

Boyle: All right, but I'm more scared of Hitler.

(OK ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITE QUOTES FROM BROOKLYN 99 EVER)

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Captain Holt: Bing-pot!

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Sergeant Jeffords: My girls are on the waitlist for their preschool, and it's twice as tough to get in with twins.

Rosa: Why don't you just get one of them in, and let them take turns going to school every other day?

Sergeant Jeffords: Diaz, that's crazy. I asked my wife and she said no.

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Jake: For the record, you're turning this murder scene into a real bummer-scape.

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Jake: Bing-pot!
Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better, but then it was too late, I was half way through the word.

Boyle: Bing-pot works. It's taking off.

Jake: It's taking off.

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Jake: Oh man, look at the captain. He's pacing slowly. For him that's like a full on rage-fuelled freak out.

Boyle: The only thing worse is when he stands perfectly still.
Oh no, he's standing perfectly still.

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Captain Holt: Wuntch is up to something. There's only one reason she would let us keep this case.

Jake: She took one look at me and said that's the guy I want flying my chopper.

Boyle: Ooh, you know how to fly a chopper?

Jake: How hard can it be? It's just a big fan that goes in the sky.

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Sergeant Jeffords: Rosa, I should have listened to you.

Rosa: Yeah, everyone should listen to me all the time about everything.

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Amy: Oh my God, did you hear that George W. Bush died?

Gina: Who dat?

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Jake: There's a barn?

Captain Holt: What is your fascination with barns?

Jake: It's where all the awesome standoffs happen. Rusty farm equipment, light shining through bullet holes. I'll bet you at least one dove takes flight in slow mo.

Captain Holt: I will take that bet because that's impossible.