brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S3E15 'The 9-8'

The Nine-Nine host the detectives from the Nine-Eight, their neighboring precinct, reuniting Jake with his old partner. Charles is immediately jealous and tries to reclaim his best friend status with Jake. Meanwhile, the rest of the precinct tries to be welcoming to the Nine-Eight, but it doesn't go as well as they had planned.

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Charles: So, I guess we all had great partners that we've completely moved on from.

Jake: Because yours died of old age?

Charles: He did.

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Gina: Captain, why are you doing this? You hate people in your space.

Captain Holt: Nonsense. I'm an easygoing chap.

Gina: Okay. I once saw you use a ruler to measure another ruler.

Captain Holt: It was off by half a centimeter. It never should've been in circulation.

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Captain Holt: Now, if you'll excuse me.

Gina: Oh, he just sat at your desk.

Captain Holt: Good. Good. I was hoping he would.

Gina: He's adjusting your chair settings.

Captain Holt: Even the lumbar?

Gina: Exclusively the lumbar.

Captain Holt: So my spine'll hurt a little. It's only a highway holding all your body's nerves.

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Charles: Look, I'm so sorry, but I don't think there's room for a third person on this case. Jake, we should work it solo.

Jake: Whoa, hang on there, Boyle. Let's not be hasty. I mean, Stevie's been tracking Ozerov longer than we have. And three heads are better than two.

Charles: Three's a crowd. Everybody knows that.

Jake: What about in "The Lion King," huh? When Jamone and Purboy became friends with Steemba.

Charles: That's not the names. It's Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa, but I appreciate you trying. It really is a perfect analogy.

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Jake: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we listen to some sweet stakeout jams?

Charles: Ooh, do you have the satellite radio station "Sedan Rock"?

Stevie: Seriously? Why not just go straight for the Toni Braxton while you're at it?

Charles: Oh, now you're gonna make fun of Toni? Who is this joker?

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Sergeant Jeffords: I know it's crowded in there and they're not very considerate guests and they took my mouse and then they took my keyboard and then they took the whole computer. And when I had nothing else to give, they came for my yogurt. No, not just any yogurt. Full fat Greek with a touch of honey. That's a once a week treat!

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Jake: Look, I know that we didn't find any drugs, but I still think it was worth the risk.

Charles: Well, I think it was a crap circus. This whole operation is blown. If you ask me, the Beatsie Boys should be called the Thoroughly Messed-Up Millies.