brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S3E6 'Into The Woods'

Boyle: Is the equipment secure?

Jake: Check.

Boyle: Weapon loaded?

Jake: Check.

Boyle: Did you have breakfast?

Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.

Boyle: I added it because I care about you.

Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.

Boyle: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.

Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.

Boyle: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

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Rosa: Things aren't working out.
I don't want to talk about it.

Captain Holt: I regret the words we've already spoken.

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Sergeant Jeffords: Those woods are full of ticks. It's Lyme disease central.

Jake: So we'll get some bug spray.

Sergeant Jeffords: Plus that cabin's probably covered in black mold.

Jake: Racist.

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Sergeant Jeffords: Wait a second, Peralta. You busted through a window for no reason?

Jake: Basic police tactic, Sarge.
Cover every exit.

Sergeant Jeffords: It was a sealed window on the fifth floor.
You could have just gone in the door with Charles.

Jake: Yeah, but then what would my catchphrase have been?
"Knock, knock, who's there? Justice"?
Ooh, that's actually amazing. Charles, write that down.

Boyle: Already did.

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Sergeant Jeffords: Lohank? That sad sack? All he does is talk about his wife sleeping with other men.

Jake: No, he also has some great stories about his prostate cancer.

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Sergeant Jeffords: What else do you have planned?

Jake: Oh, so much. I'm talking fishing. I'm talking poker. I'm talking Frisbee.
Boyle, what else am I talking?

Boyle: Wildflower picking so we can make our own cologne.

Jake: Nope, I was talking bonfires and s'mores, but that's my fault for throwing to you.

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Captain Holt: Well, apparently, it's less painful if you acknowledge the dumpee's feelings.

Rosa: Ew.

Captain Holt: But don't worry. We'll practice.
I'll be Marcus. Go.

Rosa: Marcus, I think we should break up.

Captain Holt: That makes me feel sad. I am sad.

Rosa: Your sadness is noted.

Captain Holt: I feel acknowledged.
Thank you for breaking up with me.
It will take me eight minutes to collect my things.
I think that went very well.

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Gina: Before we get into your pitch, what are you calling the product?

Amy: The Handless Lighting System, or HLS.

Gina: Sounds like a genetic disorder.

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Gina: Now let's talk presentation.
What's your opener?

Amy: Hi, I'm Amy Santiago, and my product will make a real difference. It is the Shoulder Nova.

Gina: My only note is, make it 1000% more captivating.

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Gina: Until this moment, there was only darkness. But now there is light. I am Vanessa Santiago, and I'm about to blow your minds.

Amy: You want me to change my name to Vanessa?

Gina: Desperately.

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Captain Holt: It's not the end of the world to feel things.

Rosa: I guess not. It's up there.

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Jake: It was a total disaster.

Boyle: Not a total disaster. None of us got sick from that dog water.

Jake: You drank that?

Boyle: No.