brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S2E11 'Stakeout'

I am publishing five new chapters today!!! You're welcome :)))

Terry: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.

Amy: How do they defecate?

Terry: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

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Rosa: I'm out. Four hours is the most time I've ever spent alone with any human. It was the worst experience of my life.

Amy: What about that time we drove up to Boston together. That was about four hours. Oh, I see what just happened.

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Jake: Captain, you're smiling. It's very weird. Like seeing a turtle out of its shell.

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Jake: Great news, my friend. We have a bathroom pet. His name is Horace, and he's either a small rat or a large cockroach, and he's either sleeping or dead.

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Captain Holt: I've been planning how to zing Madeline when she puts the medal on. I have the perfect line. "Wuntch-time is over.
It's a play on lunch time.

Jake: Yes, devastating burn, sir.

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Jake: The only time I ever yelled at Charles was cheering him on at his roller boogie competition.

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Gina: And I'm not a stone-cold bitch. I'm a natural, beautiful presence.

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Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?

Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?

Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.

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Captain Holt: We told you eight days was too long for a stakeout.

Jake: With all due respect, sir, it wasn't the amount of time. It's who I was stuck there with.I could easily have done it with Scully.

Captain Holt: Really? You would've applied that cream to his back?

Jake: No, I would've put it on the floor and let him roll around in it.