brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S3E19 'Terry Kitties'

In an attempt to prove to his old precinct that he's not a joke, Terry enlists Jake's help in solving a case from his past. Meanwhile, Adrian moves in with Charles, with mixed results, and Amy invites herself to a hyper-competitive training exercise with Holt and Rosa.

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Gina: I've been asking you for months if I could answer the phone like, (singing) "Who dis?"

Captain Holt: Give it a whirl, girl.

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Jake: But it doesn't mean you can't go over to the 6-5 and stand up to those bullies.

Sergeant Jeffords: They'll just make fun of me more.

Jake: What are you talking about, Terry? You are a human mountain. You have more muscles in your ears than I have in my entire body.

Sergeant Jeffords: Never skip ear day, Jake.

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Adrian Pimento: You think you can intimidate me?

Gina: Yeah.

Adrian Pimento: When I was undercover, Jimmy "The Butcher" cut off my little toe with garden shears and made me eat it as a loyalty test. I've been through hell.

Gina: Big deal. I worked an a sunglass kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there.

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Jake: Okay, here's what Esther remembers about the night that she was robbed. She was either at a restaurant or the movies or doing something else. And she was either alone or with people. The only thing she was absolutely sure of is that I seem like a very nice boy, which is not relevant to the case, but did make me feel very good.

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Jake: I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about my window ledge freak-out.

Sergeant Jeffords: That's not as embarrassing as thinking we could actually solve a 20-year-old case with no new leads.

Jake: Terry, we are gonna solve this, all right? Sure, maybe none of the work we did today led to any new information.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake-

Jake: And sure, most crimes are solved within the first 48 hours, but they never talk about the crimes that are solved within the first 100 million hours.

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Gina: I would like a police horse, and I'd like Terry to be riding it almost constantly.

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Jake: Okay, so who sent you a kitten and why do you hate it?

Sergeant Jeffords: It's not a kitten. It's a slap in the face for something that happened 20 years ago.

Jake: When you had a flat top? I know you had a flat top, 'cause I saw pictures. Sorry, go on with your story, Flat Top Terry.

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Adrian Pimento: My landlord kicked me out because my stupid neighbors couldn't handle a few tiny night screams. I was dreaming that someone was trying to scalp me with a sharpened grapefruit spoon.

Charles: Aren't brains fascinating? I mean, where does it come up with this stuff?

Adrian Pimento: When I was undercover, someone did try and scalp me with a sharpened grapefruit spoon.

Charles: Sure, that would do it.

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Amy: Will there be a grading or point system to see who's best?

Rosa: At saving lives?

Amy: Yes, at saving lives. Saving lives was always implied.

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Amy: Hey, Slowpoke. When we get out of here, I'm gonna needlepoint you a pillow that says, "Kapow."

Rosa: Hey, Amy. You suck.

Amy: Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? There's more room on that pillow-

Rosa: Real quick, before you finish: you still suck.

Amy: Argh! I'm working so much harder than you on this trash talk, and I'm the one whose feelings are getting hurt.

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Sergeant Jeffords: I don't understand why you wasted another night on a case no one's ever gonna solve.

Jake: Sarge, I am way too sleep-deprived to deal with your negativity right now.

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Captain Holt: No, the three of us all failed.
Apparently our instructor felt we didn't take it seriously enough.

Rosa: But Hitchcock and Scully passed.

Amy: What? How did they defuse bombs better than we did?

Hitchcock: Those were bombs?

Scully: Unbelievable.

Captain Holt: It's a low moment for us all.