My Angel

Chapter 10

                                    Emily's POV

Mari looks angry, and I instantly fear the expression. Her eyes burn hatred at me as she yells, "What the hell is going on here?" as she stalks over to us. "I finally asked Emily to be my girlfriend. I've only been thinking about it for a year now." Matt says, and I instantly have to hide a smile. It made me feel amazing knowing Matt had wanted to be with me for so long. "So I'm guessing she told you everything she's gone through. Everything she's done!" Mari sneers and I quickly pale. Very few people knew I had an eating disorder a few months ago, though I had finally beaten it, or the fact I used to cut my legs. I had no idea why Mari was doing this to me. She is one of best friends, and I trusted her. Matt turns to me, confusion etched on his face. "Emily, what the hell is she talking about?" He asks me, my eyes starting to water, and tears threaten to fall over the edge. "Matt, I swear I was going to tell you, but this isn't something I like talking about. It's a dark part of my life." I tell him, tears making their way down my face and I make no move to cover them. "I promise, nothing will change the way I feel about you." Matt promises me, his eyes telling me that his words true. I was just about to regain my strength and tell him when Mari snaps, spilling out the truth. She has a freaking eating disorder and used to cut her legs with knives!" and my world shatters.

I hated what had happened in the past, but my ex-boyfriend was the one that started me on that path. When we were together, he would make comments about my weight, telling me I wasn't the right shape, or that I could stand to lose a few pounds. It started as cutting back on food, to the point where I would refuse to eat, no matter how hungry I was, I lost 30 pounds in less than 3 months, and I still haven't regained my weight. Soon the knives came out, right after my boyfriend cheated on me, with my best friend. I used to cut my legs so my subscribers would never know that I was hurting myself, and for the longest time they didn't, and still don't know what truly happened behind my bathroom door.

I'm now uncontrollable, sobbing in Matt's arms, as Wes pulls Mari away. My sobs wrack my body and I almost collapse onto the floor, in shame and embarrassment. Matt accuses Wes, and anger radiates in his tone and his body. The Smosh guys come in and soon a strong arm wraps around my shoulders, gently pulling me out of the room. I look up through my tears, seeing Joven, leading me into an empty conference room. "This is probably not the way you want to see me." I say, attempting a joke. "You're allowed to break sometimes. No one can be perfect all the time." Joven comforts me, sitting me down. "Do you want to talk about it?" Joven asks, sitting down beside me and putting my back. "I guess. If you didn't hear, I had an eating disorder from my ex-boyfriend and I started cutting my legs when he cheated on me with my ex-best friend. He used to tell me I was fat and I could always stand to lose a few pounds. So I started not eating and it developed into the worst possible habit. I refused to eat and when I did, I would throw it back up so that I was constantly skinny. I'm still not back to my original weight. I'm about 30 pounds underweight. I'm only 95 pounds. I hated what I did. I've been three months clean without cutting and six months without my disorder. I know that it's terrible, but I still did it after my ex-boyfriend and I split up. I used the cutting to express sadness, and I couldn't stop. Eventually, I decided that I was done with it and I got help." I explain, drying the last of my tears. "What ass would make you feel like that? You're a beautiful person inside and out." Joven asks. "I don't want to tell you..." I say, not wanting to do anything that could cause tension. I knew he worked at Smosh and I didn't want to be the start of anything "You can tell me, I promise." Joven reassures me. "Fine. My ex-boyfriend is Shayne Topp and my ex-best friend is Courtney Miller." I say quickly, and the sound of the door slamming tells me my boyfriend heard everything.