Healing Shattered Hearts (Maxon And America Story)

Chapter 54

America's POV

I wake up with Adam's arms around me. I feel sick and terrible. I have to tell him what happened. I just hope he won't get too mad. Gracen and Rose are in another room. I put them in there for just one night. Adam kisses my neck and I start to shead tears of guilt.

"America what's wrong?" He says sitting up and makes me sit up. I sob in my hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"About what?"

"I don't know the words to explain myself. I can't even begin. Its okay after this conversation you won't love me-"

"I will always love you no matter what." That makes me sob harder. He rubs my back and holds me in close. Once the tears stop, I begin to tell him.

"I don't know how to say how sorry I am. You won't love me anymore when I tell you this," he looks at me like I'm joking, "I'm so sorry I did this. I don't deserve someone like you. I deserve nobody after what I've done. The night we came to the palace Maxon kept staring at me. Every time we talked I would get this feeling but I ignored it and just shoved it down. So the night of the ball I let all loose. I kissed him," tears start coming out again. Adam looks in disbelief but remains calm, "and last night I was with him on the roof and- and I kissed him. I told him I loved him," I sob harder. Adam quits rubbing my back, "but I broke it off and told him we can't be together." My face and hair is soaked with tears. I don't look at Adam's face, I try my best to ignore it. He'll probably take the kids away from me and leave me forever. I rub the necklace he gave me. He doesn't say anything. He just puts his face in his hands and sighs. "I'm so sorry. Its okay if you don't love me anymore I understand. I don't deserve to live anymore. I don't deserve this life I have. I don't deserve you and the kids. I should just get out of everyone's life." Adam just sits there. He looks frustrated and looks depressed. "I should go take a shower," he says getting up not looking at me.

He hates me. I roll over feeling sick to my stomach. What have I done? I sob in my pillow. It gets filled with some many tears its soaked. My stomach feels like it just did one hundred flips and didn't land a single one. Guilt washes over my whole body. I'm sick for what I've done. I'm ashamed, I feel dirty, most of all I feel like nothing in this world. I'm just taking up space.

I try to get up but can't. I need to take this pain out. I can't believe I'm doing this.

*warning self harm please skip if you don't want to read*

I find some sort of a razor. I dig it in my wrist. Blood comes rushing out. I'm on the floor where no one can see me. I'm nothing, I'm ashamed. I take another swipe with the blade. Black starts to creep up in my eyes. I'm worthless. I take another dig in my skin. The room starts to spin. Blood is everywhere on the floor.

I hear Adam come out of the bathroom. I take one big cut leaving a huge gash in my wrist. Blood spills everywhere. I'm doing him a favor. I'm leaving this world that doesn't need me. I don't think he sees me where I'm at. I'm in my own pool of blood around me. I take all of my strength and jab the razor in my arm wherever. Blood spills out it comes out fast and a lot at a time. I kiss the necklace Adam gave me and hold on to it forever. I lay there on the floor going into darkness.