"Goodnight babe. I love you." he said as he was about to turn off the light, and I think he saw my arms.
"Goodnight, love you too." I hope he didn't see.
Instead of falling asleep, I lay awake in the bed. Wondering what will happen if he finds out. Will he be mad?
Will he cry?
I don't know what to do.
Maybe he didn't see them.
Maybe I am overreacting.
Or maybe if he did, he will forget about them by tomorrow.
I dont know.
All I know is that I need sleep. A lot of sleep.
---------
The next morning I awoke to quietness. Adam wasn't in bed.
"Adam?"I got up to look for him.
Finding him leaning on the balcony rail. So i asked, "Good morning. what's wrong?"
No answer. So I walked over next to him on the balcony. And leaned on the rail.
"Adam, are you okay?" I said, finding his face.
He sighed and then asked me the damn question. "Babe, what are those cuts from?"
Fuck. He saw them.
"What cuts?"
He rolled his eyes, and grabbed my arm, "Those cuts." I pulled away from his grasp.
"I thought you trusted me." he began to raise his voice a little.
"Adam, I-"
"Did you do this?"
"Yes." I can't cry.
"Why. When was the last time you did this?"
"Last time was last week."
"Why though? Don't I make you happy?" ha started to get upset. But he didn't cry.
"Yes, Adam. You make me very happy." I felt as if I had to say his name, to remind him who he was.
"Then why the hell would you do that?" why is he getting so mad?
I kept telling my self not to cry, but it didn't stop one tear.
One single tear.
And then I got frustrated.
"Adam! What the fuck? What's wrong with you?"
"The fact that my girlfriend keeps secrets from me!"
"Adam. I was going to tell you."
"Yeah? Well, I kinda don't think that you were."
"Adam, are you okay?" he seemed very different this morning. Not himself at all.
"No! What the fuck do you think?"
"Okay. I know what will make it better. What if I told you I wanted to kill myself two weeks ago? Huh? What would you say about that?"
"That I am sorry I fucked your life up! Ya know, since you do these horrible things to yourself, like being suicidal, maybe you should TELL ME!!!"
"Well, you're not making the situation any better by acting this way!"
"Well then, fucking tell me why!" I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Adam! Stop fucking yelling at me!"
"If you don't want to tell me why, then why would you want to tell me anything else?"
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying that if you won't tell me anything, then you should talk to someone else about your problems!" is he suggesting that we....
"Are you saying we should break up?"
"YES!!" No!
"Fine then! I am fucking leaving!"
He stayed on the balcony, while I grabbed all of my stuff. I didn't have my own car, so I called Barry.
"Hey Barry."
"Ariel? What's up?"
"Can you come pick me up. I am at Adams house."
He could tell something was wrong. I could barely say his name anymore.
"Ya, sure thing." and about five minutes later, he drove up. Adam came walking behind me. But I got into the car before I could hear him speak.
"Ar-"
He was next to the car when we drove off, so I rolled down the window and gave him the middle finger.
I didn't look back once.
