Roommates & Soulmates

Ch58: Jace's Cloud

All Jace could think about as he walked the halls was the expression on Clary's face, the last time he'd seen her in his mother's living room. An anxious feeling had settled in his chest. He was scared Clary was going to break up with him. She probably blamed him for what happened over the summer, and Jace couldn't help but feel she'd be right if she did.

This thought turned round and round in his head, to the point where Jace had hardly been paying attention when he and Alec went to look at apartments. He smiled and nodded when Alec liked a place, but unless there was something very obviously wrong with it, Jace tuned the whole thing out. In the end, Alec must of gotten tired of his head in the clouds approach to apartment hunting, because Alec picked out the place on his own and just handed Jace a key. This suited Jace fine.

Once Alec and Jace were settled and classes started, Jace spotted Clary in the halls and froze. He had no idea what to say to her. Should he do the right thing and make this easy on her, or should he beg her to stay? Should he get down on his knees and confess that he wasn't sure how to live without her, or put aside his own selfishness? Clary saw him then, and Jace still hadn't moved, both too scared to talk to her, and too scared not to. Unable not to, Jace took a step toward her. This seemed to wake Clary from her daze. She quickly turned and walked away. Jace's heart sank.

He went home to the apartment he hadn't selected and collapsed on his bed. If that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what was. Jace was somehow sure now that Clary was done with him. Maybe she was just trying to find a way to break it to him gently. Jace had no idea what his life would be like without Clary. He supposed he'd still have Alec and school, but the whole concept felt foreign to him. Since arriving at this University, Clary had consumed his every thought. Maybe before he knew what joy it was to kiss her, hold her, call her his, maybe then Jace could have given her up, but now he was lost. He wished that he'd hadn't worked over the summer, and gone to visit her family instead. What did it matter if he was totally broke all year? If he hadn't taken Clary home with him, she wouldn't have had to face Sebastian again. It would have been better even if they'd spent the summer apart. At least maybe then she'd be happy to see him when he got back.

Jace wasn't sure what happened in his class that day. When he arrived home though he made an effort to listen to his roommates problems, which were a much better distraction from his pain and Econ 201.

"After spending half the summer waiting for Magnus to get off work," Alec explained. "I went home to my nosy parents who wanted to know what was wrong, and kept trying to make me talk. It seems I am an open book with lots of pictures. It just sucks watching someone you love work so hard for so little when you can help. All I want to do is make his life easier. Why is that so bad?" Alec paused then turned to face Jace. They were sitting in their living room together, unpacked boxes behind the couch, and bubble wrap in the corner. "What if you'd spent your whole summer watching Clary wrestle with problems that you could easily fix, but she wouldn't let you fix them?"

"Sure, that would suck," Jace agreed. "But I can kinda see Magnus's point on this."

"Really?" Alec asked surprised. "Then please do explain it to me."

"This couch we are sitting on," Jace began gesturing to the sofa in question. "You bought it on your own. I didn't help and yet, I am going to use it. And the fridge. You bought groceries that you are probably expecting me to eat, though I didn't pay for them."

"I still don't see how this is a bad thing?" Alec counted.

"It isn't," Jace sighed. "It's just that it can make the person getting it all feel guilty for getting so much without giving anything in return." Though Jace did believe this, since learning Alec was rich, Jace had been trying not feel bad about how much more Alec contributed to the household. He had to imagine it was worth, if one were dating Alec.