Thomas Sander's sides one-shots

Faking Smiles

Warning: Mentions of depression and self harm, please don't read if you will be triggered! Also, please know that a lot of people care about you and if you ever need to talk to someone I'm only one text away <3

Requested by tj55edwards. Thanks for requesting! :D

     Patton was always smiling, therefore, he was always happy. That's what Logan thought, so he never really thought to ask Patton if anything was troubling him.

     Patton was the dad, he knew what to do when he was upset. That's what Virgil thought, so he just left dad be.

     Patton is the heart, if he was upset, they would know. That's what Roman thought, so he continued on with his life.
(If you would be triggered please do not read any further, please read message in bold above if you haven't)
    
      Patton is depresssed, he knew this but he didn't know why. Why did he stay up until 3:30 am wondering if he's good enough? Why did he feel like laying in bed all day? Why does he feel like the only way to escape from whatever the reason is death? It scared him, he didn't know anything about this and he didn't want to deal with it, and right now, he only knows of one escape.
     He uses a razor, he chipped off some of the bottom so the tip of the blade can slice through his skin. It's mostly his stomach and thighs because the wrists are too obvious for him. Sometimes though, if he's desperate enough, he'll also do his wrists. He wears his cardigan until the evidence goes away, which could take weeks, or even months sometimes. There hasn't been a scar, but he slowly ends up going deeper and deeper into his skin.
     He hasn't ate for four days, but nobody knew this because he cooks the meals. He's been drinking water, at least a glass a day. He knew he was needed, he just wanted proof. He didn't know what to do, he mostly just stayed in his room. He wasn't sad, he knew that. He felt empty, like nothing. He felt weak, his arms felt heavy. At random times he felt like bursting into tears, his eyes would sting and a couple of tears would start to form. These were the times he would think of the razor piece under his pillow.
     Thomas summonded all four of them. "So, you guys said that you ALL have your own rooms?" Thomas asked, looking around at their faces. "Correct, why do you ask?" Logan questioned him, probably already knowing the answer. "I want to go visit your rooms!" Thomas said excitedly, a little confused when everyone looked annoyed. "I supposed we can, which room today?" Logan asked, straightening his glasses.
    "Patton's!" Thomas exclaimed, snapping his fingers. They all appeared in his room, multiple dog pictures hung up over the wall. Patton felt like screaming, his razor was on his bedside table, out in the open. Logan was the first to notice, "Patton, is that a ra-" "Let's talk about this a different time!" Patton said with a nervous laugh, looking from Logan to Thomas. Logan nodded, "But only if the other two also hear about it," Logan offered, pointing at Roman and Virgil. Patton nodded nervously, frowning at how dumb he felt. Why did Thomas have to pick today?
     Patton was hoping that after the video Logan would forget about it, but no such luck. After Thomas ended the video, Logan immedently begain to look for Patton. "Patton we need to talk about this," Logan said, frowning. "It's nothing, ok?" Patton lied, looking down. "It's not nothing, Patton, why?" Logan asked, stepping forwards. "I-I don't know," Patton whispered, fidgeting nervously with his hands. "I think it would be best if Roman and Virgil also knew about this, do you think?" Logan asked, hesitently taking Patton hand into his, reading somewhere on the internet it helps. Patton just nodded, a tear rolling down his face. "Roman! Virgil!" Logan called, causing the two to appear. "What do you-oh, dad!" Virgil said, about to tell them off until he saw the distressed state dad was in, whispering his name. Virgil, although not much of a hugger, went over to hug him, his own tears threatening to fall. "Patton, is that, your razor blade in Logan's hand?" Roman asked, chewing on his nuckle nervously. Patton just nodded, a choked sob escaping from his mouth. His head was on Virgil's shoulder, one hand in Logan's and the other hanging loosly by his side. "Oh Patton," Roman whispered, stepping closer to embrace the poor man. Logan gently turned over Patton's wrist to look for any hints of injuries, slightly confused when he didn't see anything, but if you looked closer brown lines were left from where he did a few times. "I normally just do my stomach and sometimes my thighs," Patton admitted, "but sometimes I do my wrist."
     "Those were the days you were cardigan," Virgil whispered, remembering how he would wear his cardigan and how he would rarely take it off. Patton didn't say anything, just nodded into Virgil's shoulder, sniffling. "Patton why didn't you tell us sooner? We could have helped you!" Roman asked, not daring to talk in anything more than a whisper. "I-I don't know! I just, didn't want you to worry, and I didn't want you to ask why I'm upset, because I don't know! I don't know why I feel this way!" Patton said, voice slowly getting louder. "It's ok Patton, nobody is mad at you, we all care about you and want to know how to help," Virgil said, hoping to calm him down. "I-I just don't know," Patton whispered, feeling like he was about to faint. "We should probably let him rest," Virgil said, feeling Patton slowly begin to droop on his shoulder. "Agreed," Logan said, and they all carried him to the bed.
      Patton was now asleep, Virgil tucked him in and gave him a small peck on the forehead. "G'night dad," he said, quickly leaving the room before anyone saw his tear stained face. Roman gave Patton a soft peck on the back of his hand, "I'm so sorry, Good night Patton," Roman said, leaving just Logan and Patton in the room. "Patton, I feel like an idiot for not realizing you were in this much pain, I'm so sorry, I should have paid more attention," Logan said, tears started to form once more, knowning the man couldn't hear him but he said it anyways, "Good night Patton," Logan whispered, leaving a small kiss on Patton cheek before grabbing the razor blade and exiting the room.

(Ok so this was really sad to write, sorry if it seemed rushed, I just wasn't really sure how I wanted to end it, but Patton does get better, I can promise you that!)