To Be A Scrapper (Suzuya Juuzou)

Rei: A Monologue

Yo guys! The next update is almost done, but I want to post this first because I'm the author and I can do whatever I want B) *dabbing intensely*

So, I'm an avid daydreamer just like the majority of you. And sometimes I find myself completely losing my identity and diving inside my character's lives. I'm usually Jiro, but this time I was Rei.

It's very cool when this happens because I get insight of their thinking patterns and just how exactly they're feeling and reacting to the shit I put them through.

Well, Rei is not very happy with me, that much I figured. But here's what he had to say about his life and how Emi completely changed it.

~~~

I was nothing. Just a pile of bones held together by dry, tattered skin. I had no mind, no will, no purpose. Just like an old machine, I bent so far until my breaking points disappeared. I was merely an empty shell, a ghost of a person, with no importance but to scrap bodies and burst life sources. Breaking dreams, destroying lives, that was the only thing I served for. Again, I was nothing.

Until you appeared, and suddenly became the blood pumping through my veins. You were the single life source I couldn't bring myself to break no matter how hard I tried. I discovered that I did have a will, but it was bending towards you, clinging to you like a lost child begging for an ounce of love.

And suddenly I could breathe again, but it was you who danced inside my lungs. It was your name that crawled up my throat. It was your mere presence that seemed to blind me like a raging sun casting rays upon a deep, dark meadow.

It was you who first showed me kindness. The first to show me that a smile could hold every little secret a person carries, because you completely stripped me of mine. Everything that was once hidden, you brought out.

I was completely naked in mind and body, displayed like a delicate rose on velvet sheets. The color my soul once displayed, a coal black that seemed to consume everyone whole, slowly dripped from my fingers like thick petroleum, leaving nothing but white silk in its stead.

You ridded me of my darkness, the obscure demons that ate away every cell in my brain. You filled the void my heart carried, becoming my pulse, my breath and my sanity. And as long as I continued to breathe you in I knew I would be okay.

But then you left...

And once again, I was nothing.

~~~~~~~

Thoughts?

It is not my first time invading my character's thoughts as I do it all the time, but it is my first time putting it on paper, er... screen.

The next paragraphs will make you think I'm crazy (or not) but here goes.

I do have conversations with Rei and Emi frequently, often I simply talk to them, other times I become them. Note, I don't bring them to the outside world, this all happens in the complicated dimension that is my brain.

And I absolutely love every minute of it, but I admit it's painful sometimes because their feelings are so palpable. I don't think I own the characters in my stories, even of they did come from my imagination. I respect them, and only come inside their minds if they allow me to.

It might seem very stupid, but I don't think I "start making stuff up and putting it together" to create a character. I believe that every single one of my characters already does exist in my brain and the only thing I create for them is a body and name, a vessel for them to take. But I do not own them, I'm only their mother, to put it in simple words. It's up to them if they want to let me inside their minds or just hold conversations with me.

As I said, Rei and Emi have already granted me permission. None of the elites have, although I'm almost through to Shin.

I can tell Ryuu is lukewarm about it and leaning more towards a no, but he has allowed me glimpses of his mind.

Jiro is a bit complicated because he is the most dominant personality inside my head, yet he absolutely won't let me inside his thoughts. Which is a bit odd considering he's with me the most. I do talk to him every day (God that sounds weird XD) but he still keeps his funny/playful demeanor 95% of the time. I think he doesn't want me to take him that seriously just yet.

In conclusion XD I'm not crazy, I don't hear voices, I'm not schizophrenic or have a personality disorder. I do know they are a product of my imagination, and everything that I said happens inside my head. I just don't think my characters are fake.

Final note: if the sequel gets to the point where Rei becomes a ghoul investigator, I will no longer be able to enter his thoughts. Because that personality already exists, created by Tokyo Ghoul's author. Its not mine, meaning I wont have acess to it.

Welp, that's it. Feedback is much aprecciated, and if you'd like more Rei/Emi insights (or for me to try with the elites) just ask!