After The Storm (Sequel)

Nothing was the same

Liliana's pov

When you lose someone people say that the grief will get better with time, but I've been through enough loss to know that's a lie. You learn to manage your grief and you learn to keep going because you have no other choice, but as long as that person is gone you'll still always feel that same aching pain deep down in your soul as each day passes. You'll still miss them like crazy and wish you two could've shared more memories. You'll still think about them every second of the day and struggle to keep yourself from breaking down. And you'll be angry, with every day that passes. Angry that you couldn't save them. Angry that the doctors didn't save them and angry that you were cheated out of a future with them by your side, and that anger won't ever go away.

A couple of days have passed since Derek died and it was now the day of his funeral. Those words still seemed unreal to me, because I still didn't want to believe that he's dead, but he is. Derek is gone. I will never see him again. Never hear his voice again. Never get to enjoy small things like his phone calls or his sarcasm. Today I have to go to his funeral and watch as a casket with his body in it is lowered into the ground. Today I have to say goodbye to my best friend and accept that he's really gone.

"Sweetheart, you almost ready?" I hear Jackson ask from the other side of the bathroom door. It was time to leave for Derek's funeral and I obviously wasn't prepared. My heart felt like it was gonna explode and I felt physically sick. I never would be, but I had to suck it up and somehow make it through this day.

"Yeah, almost. Just give me a couple of seconds." I sniffled, quickly wiping away my tears before grabbing my bottle of Prozac and pouring a pill into my hand. I grabbed my bottle of water and quickly swallowed it.

My doctor wrote me a prescription for Prozac to help me with depression after George died, but I only took it a couple of times, before I decided to stop. I didn't like how it made me feel.

When I only took one it helped me manage my sadness to the point that I could be calm, but it didn't leave me feeling happy or better about my situation and whenever I took two, like I was supposed to it had the adverse effect and gave me a temporary burst of happiness to the point where I couldn't even sit still and it kept me distracted from my problems, but it also gave me mood swings and after a couple of hours I would be extremely drained and feel even more depressed then before, so I just completely stopped taking it. But today I couldn't even focus on the side effects. I just needed something to help me make it through the day. After taking my medicine, I put the bottle back into the medicine cabinet before leaving the bathroom.

"You okay?" Jackson asked, concern written all over his face as I entered the bedroom.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We need to go before we're late." I sigh before walking out of the room. I grabbed my purse off the counter then we left to go to the funeral. Jackson drove us there. We both knew I couldn't function well enough to drive. It didn't feel like it took us long to get there, but I'm not completely sure. I was zoned out the whole car ride.

I've been so spaced out these last couple of days that they were all just a blur. I'm not sure if it's because of the medication or because I'm just trying to block out how horrible things in my life are right now. I can barely remember anything that's happened since I found out Derek died, which is honestly for the best because I don't think I could handle being emotionally aware right now.

Pretty much everyone I knew was at the funeral, even Cristina had flown back to be here for Mer. We all gathered around and Jackson grabbed my hand as the service began.

"This is a day for us to celebrate Derek Shepherd's life and for each of us to say our goodbyes. Every day we celebrate him in some way, as a father, as a husband, as a brother, as a friend." The minister says. He continued talking, but I couldn't pay attention to anything else he said. All I could focus on right now is keeping it together when in reality all I wanted to do is collapse to my knees and scream. It was killing me to look at the casket and know that my best friend's body is laying in there. It was taking everything in me to keep my composure. All I've been doing these last couple of days is trying cope and act like I was okay, at least in front of everyone else. The only time I ever allowed myself to break was when I was alone, because I knew the minute that I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of anyone else they would try to be there for me and comfort me, when they can't. No matter how sorry they are and no matter how much anyone tries to make me feel better, they can't, because they're not Derek. He's the one I depended on whenever I lost anybody, but this time he's the one I lost. He's the one who's dead and there's no way to comfort me from that. Nothing or no one could make me feel better.