After The Storm (Sequel)

Coping

Liliana's pov

Next day

I woke up the next morning feeling both emotionally and physically drained, which I expected after I barely got any rest last night, since I was an emotional wreck and also because of the Prozac I took. Taking that medication always made me restless while it was in my system. Emotionally I still didn't feel the best either, but after my multiple breakdowns yesterday I don't think I could cry anymore no matter how crappy I felt. Honestly all I wanted to do today was lay in bed and avoid contact with anyone, but I could smell the scent of breakfast coming from the kitchen, so I knew Jackson was cooking and he would come in to check on me if I didn't get up soon. I continued to lay in bed for a couple of minutes, before getting up and going to the bathroom to freshen up then going into the kitchen.

"Good morning" Jackson says when he sees me walking into the kitchen

"Good morning" I say as I take a seat at the table

"I was just about to come check in on you and bring you your breakfast. I figured you'd be hungry when you woke up" he says as he brings my food over to me

"Thank you. You know you really didn't have to do this" I say

"I know, but I wanted to. After you had such a hard day yesterday, I figured this is the least I could do to try to help you feel better" he says as he sits down at the table beside me

"I actually really wanted to apologize to you about yesterday" I say

"What? Why would you need to apologize" he asks

"Because I was just a complete wreck. You shouldn't have had to deal with me and my inability to handle my emotions. You're just always dealing with my many issues, honestly you would be so much better off without me around" I sigh. I feel bad that I always have problems that Jackson has to help me through. He shouldn't have to constantly pause his life just because my life is crap.

"Sweetheart, I don't want to ever here you say anything like that again. I love you so much Liliana and I wouldn't want to live without you and I don't ever want you to think otherwise. You aren't a burden to me. You've been through so much and you need someone to help you through it and I'm your husband, I want to be that person. All that I care about is you getting back to a happy place, okay" he says

"Okay" I nod before we sit in a comfortable silence as we eat our breakfast

"So I have a question that I want to ask you and I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me" he says

"Okay" I sigh

"When did you start taking medication again " he asks

"The day of Derek's funeral" I answer honestly

"And you've been taking them everyday since" he asks

"Almost. I skipped the past couple of days, because I forgot my pills at the house, but other then that yes. I never planned to keep taking them for so long, but it's just I miss Derek so much. Everyday that I wake up, for the first couple of seconds I think maybe it's all a dream and maybe he's not dead, but then it hits me all over again that he is and it just hurts so much that I don't know what to do and I can't take feeling like that constantly, so I take the pills so that I can keep it together and avoid breaking down like I did yesterday" I sigh

"I know it's hard coping with losing Derek. You two were so close and I can't imagine how it feels for him to just be gone, but medicating yourself isn't the way to deal with this. It's not healthy and it worries me" he says

"You don't need to worry. It's not like I'm addicted to the pills. I normally don't even take my prescribed amount with the exception of last night" I say

"I know you're not addicted to them, but you are using them to cope when instead you need to let the people who love and care about you in and allow yourself to feel your emotions. Taking medication to deal with your feelings is only a temporary fix and if you don't truly deal with your problems, it's only going to hurt you worse eventually" he says

"You're right, I know the medicine isn't really helping me. I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do without Derek. I miss him so much, it hurts" I sigh blinking back my tears that threatened to fall

"I know you do sweetheart, but you're going to get through this" he assures me grabbing my hand

"How" I ask. I've been through so much in my life and I somehow always made it through, but I don't know how I'm supposed to make it through losing Derek

"Well I think that the first step to coping is for you to start seeing a therapist" he says

"Jackson, I don't need a therapist. I am completely in my right state of mind" I frown

"I know that you are and I'm not questioning that, but you've went through two huge losses all in the same year and I know that a lot of times I still have a hard time making it through the day because of losing George, so I can only imagine how you feel after losing both him and Derek" he sighs

"Yeah, I mean of course it's hard, but I don't think going to a therapist is going to help me" I sigh

"I know that the idea of speaking with a stranger about your problems isn't appealing, but I think you should give it a chance. You've been through way more then most people go through in a lifetime and it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone and let out how you feel" he say

"I don't know, Jackson" I say

"Just give it a try. Please. It'll make me feel better" he sighs

"Okay, I'll try it" I agree

"Thank you" he says

"What time is it? I completely forgot I had a surgery this morning" I sigh as I remember I have work today

"Don't worry about that. I called in and spoke to Richard and told him that you were going to need today off" he says

"Jackson, you didn't have to do that. I'm fine. I can go into work" I say

"No, you need to rest. You've been overworking yourself lately" he says

"Yeah, I know. It just feels better to be at work saving lives, instead of at home doing nothing. Everyday I wish I could rewind time and be at that hospital the night Derek was brought in. If I was there I would've known what to do and he would still be here, but I wasn't and he's dead now, and I can't bring him back, but what I can do is save someone else, so their friends and family won't have to lose them" I sigh

"I understand that. After George died, being at work was comforting. It helped me cope with the loss, but you have to take care of yourself sweetheart. Your body needs rest" he says

"I know, you're right. I am exhausted. I can't remember the last time I've gotten good rest" I sigh

"Well how about we go back to bed and you can relax and catch up on some sleep" he says

"Yes, that's exactly what I need" I say

"Okay" he smiles taking my hand into his before we walk to the bedroom. Things are far from perfect in my life and I'm not sure how I'm going to make it back to a happy place in life, but I'm ready to try to become a better version of myself, not just for me but for Jackson too. I have to get through this for us.

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