Torn // Emilio Martinez

Chapter 38

Bella

After convincing Alissa for a painfully long time, she finally agreed for us to go together on the camping trip. We both admitted we did miss our old friends and figured not too much could go wrong if we spend a weekend with them. I didn't have to talk to Emilio and we could have fun all together like old times, like before I messed everything up.
We decided to drive to the camp site ourselves and meet up with everyone since we needed extra time to get ready. After packing everything we needed and probably even more, we threw everything into the trunk of the car. Alissa was driving since I always preferred being the passenger and it was her car. 
I rolled the window down and stuck my arm out, waving my hand to the beat of the song, closing my eyes as the wind blew on my face and threw my hair, singing loudly with Alissa. The car ride allowed me to clear my head, and the loud sound of the music and our singing was enough to drown out the thoughts and nerves about seeing everyone again, Emilio in particular. What would I say to him? I couldn't ignore him for 3 days straight. I pushed those thoughts away and sang, taking in the warm California air and the fresh sunshine spreading across my face and arm that was out the window.

After driving for about an hour, we arrived at the campsite. We parked in the small parking lot and grabbed our stuff out of the trunk, walking to the area Ivan told us to meet them. We were greeted by yells of excitement and hugs instantly, but as I was receiving hugs from everyone and being told how much I was missed, Emilio was sitting on a chair in front of his tent, looking at me without emotion. I tried not to think about it and smiled as I saw everyone I hadn't seen in months and people who I left so abruptly without an explanation. As I looked over at Emilio, I noticed that girl, Anna, come out of the tent and smile at him, ruffling his hair before taking a seat beside him. It made my stomach turn and I hated that I let it bother me. He wasn't mine anymore, he could do what he wanted, I lost the right to be jealous.
After Alissa and I set up our tent with the help of at least 5 other people as well, we all decided we wanted to go swimming. Everyone changed into their bathing suits, grabbed their towels and as a group we made our way down to the lake. There was a rope attached to a tree branch so we could swing and jump off, and Anthony was the first one to do it.

We all laughed and took turns swinging on the rope and jumping in the water. I was scared but did it in anyway, squealing when I let go of the rope, the cold water shocking my entire body as I was submerged. I began laughing once I resurfaced, splashing at all my friends who splashed back. We had chicken fights, played Marco Polo and just floated around, having a good time together. It was all so nice, but it still felt like my heart was sinking with Emilio there.

After getting out and drying off, we made our way back to our spot and decided to start a fire since it was getting dark. We ate sandwiches for dinner since we didn't feel like being risky and cooking over the fire tonight. We snacked on some food that was brought and all changed into warm clothes as we sat around the fire together. I pulled my knees up to my chest, my feet on the chair, and rested my chin on my arms which were crossed on top of my knees. My hood was up and I closed my eyes as I felt the heat on my face. I always took moments to close my eyes and just feel everything, it made me feel more present, and reminded me that I was here, I was okay, and I was alive.
After talking, laughing, and especially singing around the campfire, I decided to go for a walk. I whispered to Alissa that I was going and she nodded at me with a smile, knowing I wanted to clear my head and enjoy the nature in silence and tranquility for a few moments. I stuck my hands in the front pocket of my hoodie and walked down to where we went swimming earlier. I was on the edge of a rock and let my feet dangle over the water, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore giving me a feeling of peace.

My peaceful moment was ruined by the sound of footsteps coming up behind me, causing me to jump and turn around. It was dark so I knew it was one of the twins, but I didn't know which one. When they sat next to me I then knew it was Emilio. Part of me wished it was a stranger who was just going to make me jump and then leave once they realized I was there. Instead I was faced with the boy I still loved, the boy I betrayed, and the boy who made my heart race and now made me nauseous as he sat next to me, breathing in his familiar scent. We sat in silence for a moment, listening to the water, the leaves rustling, and the sound of each other breathing. I could hear the beat of my heart pounding in my eyes, and it was so loud that I wondered if Emilio was able to hear it.

"Why'd you follow me?" I finally said, my voice coming out as a whisper.
"I didn't want you to be alone. And we haven't really talked since you got here," he answered calmly, hitting his feet on the side of the rock as he swung them. I simply nodded, not really knowing what to say next.
"I miss you, B," he whispered, maybe hoping I wouldn't hear, but I did.
"I miss you too, Emilio," I said back.

We sat in silence again and he turned to me, his lips pressing against mine. I kissed back at first but then pulled away abruptly, leaving a confused look on his face.
"You don't get to do that," I said, shaking my head.
"What?"
"You can't kiss me when there's a girl a few feet away who's totally into you. You can't," I said.
"She's not my girlfriend," he said.
"Is that true? Or are you saying that not to hurt me? From what I've heard she's pretty much your girlfriend even if you don't put a label on it," I said.
"I'll stop talking to her, can we just talk?" he pleaded, reaching out to grab my hands but I pulled away.
"About what?" I asked angrily.
"Everything. Why you left, why we never talked," he said.
"I left because I couldn't be around you. The pain was too much. You never even came after me, Emilio. You didn't even try. You can't just kiss me and do this when I'm back in LA when you didn't even try before this. You have a new girl now, if it's that easy for you to move on, I know everything will just repeat itself all over," I rambled.
"I came for you, Bella. I flew all the way to Maryland and was told you hate me and never wanted to see me."
"What?"
"Marcus and Lucas told me to leave, so I left.But I did come, and I did try to fix it, but you wouldn't let me. Anna just makes me cover up and temporarily hide the pain of losing you," he choked.

He came to Maryland. He flew all the way there to find me after I left, and I didn't know. My best friends hid it from me. All of this suffering and sadness I had, and they didn't even let me see him and talk to him. I don't know if I would have anyway, but knowing he tried would have helped.

"I love you, B. Can we please try to fix it?" he asked.
"Not now, Emilio, I'm not ready," I muttered as I stood up and walked off. He didn't follow right away. Part of me was glad he didn't, but part of me wanted him to run after me and kiss me again, telling me he'll never let me go again. That didn't happen.

Once I got back I crawled into my tent and sat there alone. I eventually heard Emilio come back and there were muffled conversations between him and some other people.

I got mad at him, and I took stuff out on him but really I was mad at myself. I was mad for sleeping with Ivan and ruining everything. I couldn't kiss Emilio after what I did, I couldn't have him not know. I was mad at Lucas and Marcus for not letting me talk to him. I was mad at the world, and I was hurt by losing him.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea. I felt so lost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like this is bad ugh but yay Bemilio!!
Comment what you guys think of this update! Love you

-Rachael