Torn // Emilio Martinez

Chapter 39

Bella

The remainder of the camping trip went smoothly. After my short lived conversation with Emilio we didn't talk much afterwards, just the occasional comment here and there. I saw Anna kiss his cheek a few times which made my stomach churn and I felt horrible that she didn't know Emilio kissed me. Although, I was doing the exact same thing to Emilio about Ivan. I was hiding something huge, and I don't think I ever wanted to tell him. I couldn't. He could move on and be happy without ever knowing. I won't even be a blip on his radar, and he can forget about me and I don't have to hurt anymore. I was hurting without him, but I didn't know how to deal with what I did. We were broken up at the time so I didn't cheat on him, but I still slept with his brother, whether I meant to or not.

Alissa and I got back to her place and would have good days together. We went out, had movie days at home, did photo shoots, a whole bunch of stuff. I tried to get Emilio off my mind every day but he always made his way back. I wanted him back, I wanted to hold him and have him be mine again, but I couldn't do that without telling him the truth, and the truth would crush him.

"You okay, B?" Alissa asked as she walked into the living room from the kitchen, two glasses of iced tea in her hand, she passed one to me and I smiled and thanked her, telling her that I was fine.
"Is it Emilio?" she asked sympathetically, sitting next to me and leaning her head on my shoulder. I wanted to lie, but she could read me too well, so I just nodded.
"You guys need to get back together, you guys were perfect," she commented, giggling slightly after saying it.
"Don't think that'll happen," I replied solemnly.
"You don't know that," she shrugged. I appreciated her being supportive and optimistic about all this. Alissa was the type of friend everyone needed when going through hard times, especially break ups.
"I need to call the twins, actually," I said, meaning the Dobre's, which Alissa knew. After finishing my iced tea, I walked up to the guest room I was staying in, and dialed Marcus' number since he was always more likely to pick up than Lucas.

"Hey, B, how's it going?" he answered enthusiastically.
"Not horrible, is Lucas with you?" I asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"Did Emilio come to my house?" I blurted out, not really knowing how to beat around the bush any more. They were both silent on the other end, and I knew Emilio wasn't lying and that they did hide it from me. Now they were just looking for what to say.
"I can't believe you!" I exclaimed since they weren't saying anything to defend themselves.
"B, come on. It was for the best," Marcus said. The nickname I usually loved felt like a sting now.
"How do you know what's best for me? What if I wanted to see him or talk to him? It's not your choice, you didn't have the right to just tell him to leave without even telling me he was there. Why would you do that?" I asked, getting angry. I don't know what I would have said to Emilio, but I think I would have liked to see him, or at least know he cared and was trying.
"Bella you were so sad and didn't want to see him. We were protecting you and didn't want you to get hurt. We wanted you to move on," Lucas said, vouching for both of them.

"You know what? It's fine, whatever. I'll talk to you later," I said suddenly, hanging up the phone before I could hear what they said. I don't really know why I was mad. I felt so conflicted because while I wanted Emilio to come after me and sweep me off my feet and fix things, I felt guilty every time I thought of him. I did say I didn't want to see him, so there was no point putting up a fight with Lucas and Marcus, maybe they were right. Maybe it was best that I didn't see him. For some reason, though, knowing he was there and I had no idea still hurt. What if that could have been the moment to make or break things without even more suffering?

I just wanted to feel okay. I just didn't know how to make that happen. It felt as if Emilio was really the only one to make me feel better anymore, and I didn't have him.

Who knows if I would ever again.

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