Lost in a Reverie 18+ Only (Book 1 of Lastor Series) ['23/'24 EDIT]

Chapter 35

Bliss. That was how it felt. To just breathe without feeling like the walls were closing in on me at each intake of air I took. To smile without forcing it. To not have to fight with the demons inside me.

I felt free. Free of the intense pain that was constantly inside me. Free of the anger that made me want to rip everything apart. Free of the hatred that drove me into madness. Free of this godforsaken reality.

It was bliss.

Heroin is bliss. Fuck ignorance.

This was one of those times that I'd think, why should I have to give this up? Why should I have to live when I could keep on escaping? Why should I have to be in pain? Why should I?

We were all going to fucking die anyways. Why bother extending the deadline when it's just going to come? Why bother wait for it to come to you when you can get it yourself? Why prolong our suffering when we can end it any time we damn well wanted to?

Call me suicidal, a pessimist, a lunatic, an addict. Call me all of that shit and I won't care because you're right anyways.

See. The thing about life, to me that is, it was not worth living. It just fucking isn't.

As I lay here, underneath a ridiculous amount of bubbles in the hot tub, my unfocused eyes staring right through the well-crafted ceiling with my best friend by my feet, finger fucking herself, I decided, this might be the best way to die.

Andrea suddenly screamed, writhing under the water as she came. I contemplated on getting out of the tub to avoid having her bodily fluids sticking to me. But then again, we've fucked each other, and together, more times than I could count. So really, what's the point? Anything she had, I'd have caught it by now.

I placed the pipe between my lips and heated it up with my lighter, taking a long drag and filling my lungs with destructive fumes while I stared at the ceiling, wondering how high could you possibly be to finger fuck yourself in the presence of another person and not give a shit?

I wasn't shy about sex but I wouldn't go so far as pleasure myself in front of someone for no reason than just cuz I felt like it. Sure, maybe if I was trying to seduce that person and they had voyeuristic tendencies, I would. But then again, Andrea had the tendecy to not give a fuck about anything other than getting off and getting by.

She was once summoned to court for hit and run when we were in high school after she hit a parked police car while she was hurrying to get to class in the morning. When the judge asked her why she didn't stop, she said, "The car wasn't late for third period, I was. The car wasn't the one getting another detention slip, I was. Why should I throw away my education for a car, Your Honor?"

In her defense, she genuinely believed she had done nothing wrong but unfortunately, the judge didn't share her sentiments.

She was ordered to serve two hundred and eighty hours of community service, put on probation for six months, paid a hefty fine, got her license revoked, and had to attend a support group for troubled teens – which I was also attending due to conditions of my probation –. So it was understandable that she started cursing the shit out of the judge before spitting on the poor lady, which led to her being held in contempt and slapped with an additional twenty grand to her fine along with a two week stint in juvie. Her parents hired a driver slash babysitter for her and she did her community service more fashionably than Naomi Campbell.

There was no denying Alexandrea Louise Allen was a first class bitch and I adored the shit out of her.

"Babe," she panted. "Don't you just love having a pussy?"