Lost in a Reverie 18+ Only (Book 1 of Lastor Series) ['23/'24 EDIT]

Chapter 63

The drive back home, Rick gave me my turn of asking questions and I asked him all the things that I never once wished to know of in anyone, and he gave me everything without reservation.

He was the eldest of three, born on the 8th of December. He spoke fluent German, having learned it from my brother in preparation for his move to Heidelberg. His first kiss was with Alicia Margolis during his Bar Mitzvah, who also became his first girlfriend up until she dumped him for being too 'studious'. He loved Italian food and spent a month traveling the country. He was a member of Yale's varsity rowing team and was the captain his senior year. Two years ago, he decided to become celibate after his last relationship ended when his girlfriend told him she loved him for the first time and he realized he didn't feel the same. He also knew how to play the guitar, though he refused to play for me unless I did the same.

Even after I ran out of questions, he kept telling me everything he could think of about himself and I listened intently, remembering each detail.

When Simon & Garfunkel's Cecilia shuffled into play, he started singing along, saying they were one of his favorite artists. He sang loudly and horribly, slapping his hands against the steering wheel out of beat and dancing in his seat.

It didn't take long till I had a stupid grin plastered on my face and took my phone out to record him. He got even more ridiculous when we stopped at a red light, singing at the top of his lungs until the other cars started blowing their horns at us when we didn't move after the green light.

As we gradually settled into a comforting silence, holding each other's hand, I started thinking about what he'd said at the diner, how ten years from now we'd be leading different lives and somewhere along the way, we'd cross paths and talk about what had become of us while at the back of our minds, we'd remember everything we've shared.

Thinking back from meeting him, I never considered the possibility he could affect my life so deeply as he had that it was almost an unbearable thought that I would inevitably be forced to walk away from him and live a life separate from his. How do I even start over and have a family with another man after having been with someone so wholly that I've surrendered myself to him?

Frederick Richardson had ruined me so completely that I was certain I could never be satisfied with any life without him in it. Something will always be missing. Something will always be not quite right and I hated it. I hated what he'd done to me because it wasn't fair. He was the only thing I had ever truly wanted for myself, but I could never have him. I was never meant to have him and it was wrong that I was entertaining him in this quiet charade. We both knew we had no future, but we still kept holding onto each other, refusing to live in our separate realities.

"Angel," I heard him call, his voice bringing me back to reality, stirring me from my thoughts of him.

I hadn't realized we were back already and when it came to me, I felt dejected. I was going back to my life now. Back to the wretched darkness. Back to poisoning myself. Back to a reality where he and I could never be.

Had it really been mere hours since we left this place? It felt more than that.

He cupped my cheek with his hand, brushing his thumb against my skin in such a gentle way.

"Let's do this again soon," he murmured. "We can go to a concert, or maybe go kayaking. Whatever you want."

"I hate lying," I said, the bitterness in my mouth festering. "How long are we going to live in this lie, sweetheart?"

"Where's the lie in this?" he retorted, chuckling solemnly. "I just want to get to know you. To be with you. Care for you. Kiss you. Hold you. While I still can. I can't promise peace and order when we're together of course because I don't think I'd ever be able to put up with your bullshit. I'm not promising you the world. Not even the stars. Or the seas. But for the life of me, stop trying to act like you're not crazy about me. It's getting old."