The Good Boy Stopped Us From Falling Apart

Chapter 5- Male Fragility

I woke up the next morning to find Oliver sitting on his bed. He was staring straight ahead and the bags under his eyes were so large that I could see them from my bed.

I slowly sat up. "Hey."

He flinched turning to me. "Hey."

I looked at my phone. I remembered falling asleep with it at my side. But it was on my dressing table the morning.

"You fell asleep with it on your bed. A picture of Harley was on your screen."

"Oh... Uh-"

"You need to get over her."

"I will. One day I will. Did you not sleep last night?"

"I couldn't. My mind wouldn't let me."

"What were you thinking about-"

"Worrying. I spent the night worrying. I can't tell you half of it but... I can tell you that a quarter of it was about you."

I gulped. "Why?"

"I-," he looked down and sighed. "I can't help you like I want to. Like Harley would. I can't give you half the things she would to help you get better."

"There's nothing wrong with me-"

"We're both on meds trying to smile at everyone when we know that deep down...we're just playing the part."

"What part-"

"The son, the boyfriend, the good kid... We're too broken and we can't fix each other if we don't fix ourselves. Yesterday...you walked away and I joked with Toby about you being gay."

I froze, unable to breathe.

"I know you aren't but it's easy to make fun of people for being different and you and I aren't very different. So I thought it would be easier to make up a lie. If you hate me now for that-"

"I don't," I shook my head.

He looked at me.

"I've said worse to you and about you. It's okay."

He gave me a little smile then he bowed his head.

I stared at him waiting for him to do or say something.

Instead, he stood up and walked over to me. He sat on my bed and looked at me. "Yesterday, in the bathroom, when I was brushing my teeth, I swallowed a bit of Listerine." Tears filled his eyes. "I thought about swallowing the rest of it so I could just..."

I furrowed my brows.

"I know that I'm supposed to be happy that I'm alive, happy that I didn't drown when I could've," he began to weep," but I don't want to be here."

I felt tears burning my eyes. It felt like the little thoughts I'd had before were being spoken right in front of me.

"I'm tired, Flynn. Tired of just being okay. Tired of just existing. I thought friends would make me happy. Good grades.. Growing out of it... But nothing ever really changes. Only temporarily."

I knew I couldn't help him. For years I was the guy who felt pain and tried to help others through theirs but the truth was, I hadn't found the way out yet. I couldn't get over my depression. How could I help Oliver?

I gulped as tears filled my eyes. I was trying to man up. Be tough like men were supposed to be. Because men never gave into emotion. But staring at Oliver made me realize that none of that was true. Men and women felt pain no different. Men were just taught that emotions made you less of a man.

Oliver wept like a child, laying on my bed and burying his face in my sheets.

I stared down at him as the tears ran down my cheeks.

"Flynn?" Someone knocked on the door. It opened and Sylvia walked in. "I brought you break...fast," she froze staring at me and Oliver. "Oh my goodness. Did you tell him about your crush on him?"

Oliver slowly sat up. "What?"

I felt something sour in my throat.

"Uhm," Sylvia raised her brows.