𝕊𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕪 ~ 𝕂𝕒𝕚 ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕖𝕣

𝕆 𝕟 𝕖

Ok so this is just a disclaimer cause of some comments I got on later chapters haha and I thought it's just easier to put it at the start of the story but I personally do not write smut, I don't judge anyone who reads/ writes it but I just don't cause it's not something I feel comfortable doing. So if you don't read stories w out smut I guess this is your cue to stop reading haha if you're staying hope you enjoy and thanks for reading haha.

I never wanted this kind of life, but neither did any of my friends really, so who was I to complain, whilst they all just carried on with their lives. Almost everyone of us became involved in this because of Elena Gilbert, but who could blame the 'oh so special and perfect' Elena? I knew I couldn't, being her sister kinda made that hard and instead meant that I would let her get away with murder, and I mean that literally.

I just lay curled up in my bed like I did most of the time. I had my stuffed dog teddy cradled to my chest and I just thought about how much our lives have changed. I was dead and not just on the inside, but I was dead dead, like on the other side kinda dead. I had been for months it was strange being on the other side just watching everyone live their lives without you, like you never even existed in the first place.

Eventually I stopped following my friends around and just stayed locked up in a room, it wasn't even my bedroom like I wanted, because my dear sister burned our house to the ground leaving me with nothing. Instead I was doomed to an eternity in the room I had temporarily claimed at the Salvatore's.

Currently I lay debating on wether I should return to the living, knowing that the other side was collapsing and Bonnie was going to be sending people back. Being trapped alone on the other side was lonely but so was my life when I was alive. I didn't even get a funeral when I died all because Stefan was missing, not that I minded but it did kind of hurt to see my sister still not prioritising me even after my death.

There were people who I did really wanna see and talk to again, like Jeremy, Caroline or Stefan.

After Stefan returned he took my death really hard and he was the only person I saw on a daily bases, he came to my temporary room every day, he'd sit on my bed and he'd talk to me and it made me feel special as if I was still there and loved and then when he'd get up and leave that would be the worst feeling in the world but I held it together because I knew that he'd be back again tomorrow.

I pulled myself up and stared at myself in the mirror, was it even worth it to go back? Or would it just be easier to fade into oblivion?

I hadn't much time left, on one hand no one had even thought to come and find me and see if I wanted to return to the living, well no one except Enzo, as soon as the other side became unstable I ended up finding a friend in him. When he came to me with the news I didn't even think of going back to my life, I was done with it, but he hasn't stopped trying to convince me yet.

Speak of the devil, I turned to find him stood behind me with his arms crossed. "Well have you made a decision?" He asked I nodded making him look at me expectantly, "well." He prompted. "I'm not going, I don't want to live." I told him causing disappointment to take over his face. "Come on love, you don't mean that." He said softly taking a step towards me.