Poems.... Of Those Words Never Said

Why

I'm crying again, why?

Cause I need you, why?

Cause well I still love u, why?

Cause my feelings haven't left, why?

Why do I do this
And feel this
Kill me
And break me

Over and over
Again and again
I cry
And try

But that was never enough
In my head it couldn't
Cause every time
Every rhyme

I get lost in time
Looking in ur eyes
And u seem great
Breaking isn't the case

When I see u
The smiles r wide and true
I cry silent
Without the fear

That I'll hurt u
Maybe I never was true
To the love
U said we had from the few

I sit and I try
I write something
Thousands of times
Never hit that send

To maybe hear ur reply
Why?
Cause ik the answer
Sadly I know what's true

Maybe u lied
Every time I tried
Every time I say
I love u

Its a oh okay
Not an answer i could strive for
Or a dream I wanted life to share
For in this time

When everyone said
Feelings left when that person is gone
They were all wrong
As I sit and cry

Gliding my body into its terrible health
And breaking my boundaries
Shattering my built insufficient
Self esteem spent

On the one who can barley eat
With mild PTSD
And anxiety
Which isn't left behind without all its friends

After all these years
I can giggle and laugh
Without a question all may ask
So I sit and pretend

When the only real one
Is the one u bring upon
This crazy ex
Who can't help but expect

U to never come back
After all u said
Yeah I want u back
But I love being u friend

But friends don't have
An ocean of secrets held captive
Never shown that light
As I sit and think

Have I been in the wrong
Or am I just not on top
I felt my best
But that came to a rest

After all
Who needs me
At night or complete
So broken I say

Like that one plate
With the scars
And fracture
That one day shatters

Its like swimming in tar
Slow but movement
How u feek as tho u can't be wrong
Can over come this

When In the end it gets harder
And the tar doesnt let go
The land u want
Doesn't need u no more

What can u to cry
Or maybe u ask one word

Why?

Why am I sad?
Why can't I last?
Why can't I matter more?
Why can't my heart not be so sore?
Why can't u be mine?
And not just a name I could try and rhyme?
Why don't u tell me?
How u always feel?

Cause after all the time I will spend lost in thought hoping for someone new. I wont want them. Cause they won't be you...