Poems.... Of Those Words Never Said

Panic Attack

I have them constantly

It's like seeing the ones I love dying

Except it is

Almost.

It's you

Again

And

Again

I wanna tell you

But I cant

I kept the one channel open

Thinking what if I can make it better

But it never works

So maybe if I say it here I'll get my point across

I know I fucked up

I know I'm not perfect

I know I did some shit that fucked you over

Cause I couldn't tell you why I did it

And I know that doesn't change what happened but here it goes

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I tried to hurt them

Cause that's why I said shit

Cause the idea that having someone fall for you

Then leaving

Well that kills a man

And I thought I could do that

To justify you...

But I made my mistake

And I did it along with all the others

I tried three times

Overdoses

Bleeding till I passed out

But I don't die

Or maybe I didn't want to

I want to say sorry

Cause every day

I try and figure shit out

I didn't wanna read what you said about me

I didn't wanna see you tell her you loved her

But what I didn't realize you told her while with me...

So I don't know what to believe

I don't know what to say

You leave so much

And then comeback and tell me feelings never end

But drunk you doesnt want me

I found that out the other day

You told me how my lie made turn to shit

And with that I cry

Cause I know I fuck shit up

But why tell me you blocked her

But your friends on the side

And tell me you don't love me

And say it was cause of my mistake

And why tell me not to give up..

But make me feel used

Cause after what I do for you

I lose faith I'm not a slut

So yeah I should say I'm sorry

Along with that I wanna fix it

But more that I think

More that I think

Why tf am I not dead yet

But since your gone you wouldn't notice like you never did before

When I went missing for days

You only thought of her

And I became your distant friend

And what I'm scared of is well my friends going to you

And saying I'm the bad guy

Maybe some would tell me to die

But i can't really do much other than cry

I kinda want the truth

And I kinda wanna feel okay

And I kinda wanna die

And I kinda wanted to cut today

And I kinda have to not take my pills

And I kinda will leave you alone

Cause I stopped stalking

Honestly logged out your accounts

And didn't say anything

And blocked you...

Cause you blocked me too

And well now ima go

And hope I could change it

Maybe then I wouldn't be like this

So goodbye again...