Poems.... Of Those Words Never Said

Depression

It doesn't sit and wait till you feel sad

It's always there

Hiding in your best moment

When you smile

Or even laugh

It's that feeling of guilt

From watching a child fall

It's the pain of a lover

Leaving you forever

It's the ache

When you miss a loved one

And its the fear

Of being alone

Cause depression doesn't go away

Sometimes people just get better

Some in a whole

Some at lying

But sometimes

The ones who are the most broken

Hide behind the mask

Say what they know isn't true

I'm fine

A lie that speaks to those who...

Just never knew

They don't know the fight

The one that holds me down

That makes me wanna end the pain

Cause why can't anyone understand

That these cuts from a blade

And inside my mind

Are eating me alive

The sight is murderous

I go crazy in thoughts

I feel everything so clear

So awake and near

I wanna cry

I wanna scream

For these people I need

Are just so out of reach

It rains so hard

Like the pounding in my skull

I can hear everything

Doesn't matter how faint

If I walk I hear the small rocks slide under my feet

I hear the little echo of my tears hitting the counter

I hear the blood drip in my sink

But why is it

Everytime I try to die I can't

I take the pills and sleep like I'm dead

But wake up before the damage is done

Wake up before my last breath was taken

I have night terrors and wake up hiding my scream

Hiding the tears everyday

And hiding my love I can never say

I can never speak the right words

I can never say what I mean

But what I know is...

I love someone

Who it is I shall not say

But I've known them for a while

And there smile always made my day

But one day everything changed

When I kept getting those dreams I never told her

How in these dreams I didn't only see them die

But I saw myself hurt them

If it was suicide I was the reason

If it was murder,  it's cause I didn't stop it

If it was anything,  I couldn't help

My worst nightmare as a kid

Was never helping

I would run and scream

But they couldn't hear me

I yelled and asked and jumped

But all they did was die

And I could only watch

I have nightmares more than I eat

I get food so no one worries

But I hide the fact incant eat it

Cause that person I spoke of

Looks so happy

And I didn't cause it

So yeah it kills the love in my heart

And it burns my mind

Rusty my smile

And breaks my bones

The rain and thunder sends cold in my veins

And shivers down my spine

How do I be okay

How can I fix my life

How can I stop loving someone taken

They have someone else

They don't need you

That's all I think

Why does anyone need me?

And as I think about that I know they don't

I don't wanna die cause of one person

I wanna die cause

I got raped,  abused,  left,  neglected.

I don't tell anyone I'm with how I get clingy with them cause I was neglected for days.

So when they do it I get sad.  Cause hell u leaving me alone with all the sadness stuck in my fucking day.  Inside my head,  my mind my heart.

I just wanna go away at this point.  And not have to watch the sunset.  Knowing that everyone is happier than me.