Poems.... Of Those Words Never Said

Life

The world has a hand around my neck

And as I struggle for air

It tells me the things I wanna hide from

It's speaks in my ear as I walk down the road

That I'm worthless

That everytime someone compliments my dress

It's cause they can see the cuts shown on my wrist

But I just nod and say thank you but cry..

I should cry the pain away

But when I do I have life pin me down

And with a knife he says he will end it

But I don't feel scared

Hard to scare someone who wants what you can bring

But all people can give is the hate

All i get is yelling

Why did you cut

Cause me well I was alone

But I shouldn't need constant attention

No, I have to be on my own

I have to stop hiding behind life like it's going to protect me

My only sport these days is finding a way to fix it

Thinking though my plans that people yell at me for

I think about how nice it might be for them to not have to worry

Or maybe they don't...

That's what the voice in my head says

When I beg everyone I can

Let me end this here

I have the tools in my hands

And my body to finish

I'm not happy with the looks

And I'm not happy at all

I smile when people want me to

But most of the time it's my mask

The one where I laugh

And be who they need

But little does everyone know

I see everything

I analyze

And think about everything

I noticed how those people do thing when nervous

And how they do. It around me

How if I flirt

It drives them away

How no matter what I do that pain in my chest grows

Like a sunflower

But stained red from all the breaks

Cause no matter how I show myself

I feel worse

Every time they say something nice

I see the mean in there eyes

Or the staring me down in hind sight

No one thinks I would notice if they died

But I notice the minutes between texts

The space of the words

The dots at the end of their words

But as I beg them

The distance is longer.

And sometimes they accidentally let me

Sometimes I get the one person who says yes you can

So maybe I should just hid myself

Or loose my grip

Let go of that cliff

Cause life has me hanging

And it seems the people I love

Just watch me struggle

And yell when I start cutting the rope

Cause I can't hold my self up

So maybe I. Don't have to beg anymore

Maybe it can just all end

Cause while. They arnt looking

I. Just might fall

But they won't notice

Till I. stop screaming for help