Poems.... Of Those Words Never Said

Blackout

I sat in my room gasping in the quiet

Till the noise disappeared

I watch myself do the things I know I can't

I heard it speak words unlike mine

The pain that is resting

Slightly on my heart

Is killing my mind and my body

By taking over with the voices at please

I'm controlled sometimes

To be different again

I have my tools

With me every step of the way

Hidden on my person

So no one might notice

It's gotten so bad the checking

And fear

I leave my phone alone practically all day

I write

And scroll

But it's hard when your body is moving so slow

I can't move my arm

As fast as I could

My left cant keep up with the right

Cause of the blackout I caused

From the pain when I made people go away

Now I can't type without the pain

Maybe I should say what happened

About two days ago

You see I was in my normal ways

Watching YouTube hoping time might go

Maybe wishing someone might text

Or just someone might care again..

But soon the voices yelled..

Made me feel worse

Made the pain remain

But instead of crying I went to the mirror

To see if I could've changed

But all. I saw was that till then

I woke up in fear

I was sitting in my tub unclear

The water was orange

And my arm just bleed

Quickly and fast

From so many cuts

I didn't understand how it happens so fast

But it didn't cause it was an hour

I just was alone..

Till I text the friend

Who I need the most

Cause no matter how much they hurt me

I can't leave them

Cause them happy is all I need

But I had to clean it up

And hold my arm and force the bleeding to stop.

But now my arm is stiff

And it hurts when it moves

And I can't even hold my phone

So here everyone's gonna go

And say oh no

But maybe all I need

Is someone

I can tell everything I feel to

Without them saying sorry and it's gonna be okay

I just wanna know

Someone cares...

Not just feels bad for what I'm living though...