Breaking Walls | ✓

Prolouge

That night, 

I walked into Colin's loft. 

I think I drove here, I wasn't sure.

I was with a few guys I'd met partying in Rio, all sons to fathers who owned... something major that made them invincible. 

I wish I could remember but I guess forgetting was the whole point.

The lines of coke I had done before coming wasn't helping, they just made me anxious, I had ecstasy pills in my pocket and Colin always had good weed. 

Somebody was playing decent music and i was hoping a combination of it all could make me feel calmer.

But somehow it wasn't enough.

No matter how drunk I got or how high I was, i couldn't help the restlessness.

I was looking for someone- something - anything.

Just another distraction.

That's when I saw her. 

Well, I didn't really see her, she was a blur just like everything else. But her eyes aw man. I could be drunk and high on everything the world had to offer and I still wouldn't forget those eyes.

She was in an orange coat or it looked orange under the florescent lights that lit the apartment. 

I walked to her and she somehow seemed to recognise me. 

She asked if I was René. 

Fucking Colin called me that. 

No one else knew me as René.

She must be close to him to know this.

If I knew she had those eyes, I would have come sooner but Rio had kept me hostage and I had only just returned.

After all - it was my fathers wedding today. 

A momentous event. 

The world had tilted off its axis. 

I shifted my gaze to the girl in front of me, her features just a shadow in the dark.

She looked high. 

I offered her my clenched wrist, adorning the most charming smile I could muster in the state I was in. I opened my palm out to her and asked if she wanted to have some fun.

She took the pill from my hand with a nod- popped it with me and in just a bit the world got a whole lot brighter. 

We stayed there on the couch watching the people dance about. 

Just two kids trying to make sense of the moving bodies. 

Our hands touching, electricity buzzing, gazes lingering. 

I eventually stood up and walked her to the dance floor and she reluctantly followed, we danced till the crowd thinned and then it was just the two of us. 

But then if i was being honest i hadn't noticed the people around us anyway. 

I moved my hand to her face and she leaned into me so sweetly, I almost smiled. 

And maybe it was the way her cheeks felt or the shift in energy between us but somewhere during Keane's Somewhere only we know  I kissed her and that's when everything went black.

..

I woke up the next morning, my mind thumping with the music still playing in the apartment. 

The last thing I remembered from the night before was a girl, nothing about her, except her eyes. But she was nowhere around now. I went to check the spare bedroom where I think it was her as she lay face down-- seemingly naked, with a sheet covering most of her.  

There was blood on the sheet and when i checked my clothes there was blood there too.

And then it dawned on me....fuck. 

She was a virgin.

I didn't want her to freak out and I wanted to explain everything but before that, I had to do the most human thing possible for a girl I had just taken the virginity off.  

I showered quickly, wore Colin's clothes and went to get her breakfast.

I went to my favourite waffle place in New York and got them packed. 

I bought flowers, coffee.

I was guilty, it wasn't like this was my first drunk fuck. 

But i still felt at fault. 

She was the first girl I wanted to remember doing it with. There was something about her. I hadn't even seen her face. I could have before leaving but I didn't want to violate her space any more than I had. 

Knowing or unknowingly...I had taken away something from her that was never mine to take.

I was trying to make up for something that could never be made up for.

All these thoughts inside my head slowly ate at me, as I made my way to the room she was sleeping in.

Only when I entered - she wasn't there. 

I couldn't have been gone for more than forty minutes. 

Yet there were new sheets on the bed.

She was gone without a trace.

Like last night never happened. 

I had built up so many things in my head on how this would go- Never had I thought I wouldn't even have a chance to explain.

How was I ever going to find her? 

I didn't know anything about her. 

I kept all that I had gotten for her on the kitchen table and left

I drove away from Colin's loft, the city, the girl that I was never going to see again.

Or so I thought.