My Straight Teacher? [Discontinued]

30-"... what happened?"

A/N:

Warning:
This chapter does contain emotion, and talk of ex-gay therapy, and addiction. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry, but it is a very real thing, and it was a very real part of Steve Grand's life (which, if I'm being honest, I didn't know about when I started the book). It's not super harsh—no violence or anything like that—but I know it can make people uncomfortable.

This chapter is very important, but it is also very short. Including this note, it's only 800 something words. But, when I came to an end, I knew it was an end, and I didn't want to stretch it too far.

Enjoy!

Steve-

We both moved back over to a couch that faced out over the view.

Ajax's head lay on my chest, and we both cuddled up in a warm blanket.

"Hey, Steve?" Ajax said, looking up at me.

My lips quirked upwards as my head tilted down to look at him. "Yeah, Ajax?"

He sighed, tracing the lines in my chest. "Tell me more about you."

"What do you want to know?" I asked, willing to tell him anything.

"Well..." he paused, his eyes squinted at he thought of questions. I chuckled slightly at the sight, but he ignored it. "Well, where were you born?"

"Chicago. You?"

"Denver."

I smiled at his honesty. I took a strand of his hair in my hands, twirling it around. "Alright, can I ask a question now?" I asked.

He giggled. "You just did."

I shook my head, but didn't attempt to hide my smile. "Fine," he answered, looking up at me again.

I sighed. ""What's your... favorite food?"

He laughed, his head getting off my chest. "That's the best you could do?" He asked, his voice raised slightly as he tried to hold back laughter.

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and answer the question."

After recovering from his laughing fit, he let his head rest back on my shoulder. "I don't know. Grilled cheese?"

I laughed, and he gave me a light punch on the shoulder. "Hey, Hey, I'm not judging!"

The conversation lasted like that for a while. We started asking small questions, like favorite animals,—his was a golden retriever,—favorite color,—his was blue,—and favorite school subject—his favorite was photography, of course.

But, it got deeper, with him asking about previous boyfriends, childhood, etc.

"When did you come out?" He asked.

My breath stuttered slightly at the memory. "Well, I think I was about thirteen."

Ajax noted my strange reaction. "What..." he hesitated, "... what happened? How'd they react?"

I shifted, slightly uncomfortable. "Well, we were a... a very religious family," I answered, being slow, careful, and deliberate in my words. "For about five years... I... I went to therapy for it."

"For being gay?"

"Yeah. I was taken to a psychologist. He... he believed that being gay would make me unhappy. He didn't really shame me about being gay, but... he definitely reinforced my discomfort and some hesitance in my sexuality. Though, little time was spent actually talking about my sexuality.

"I saw him once a week for those five years. It was... difficult, but not all of it was bad." I was surprised at how easily it came out when talking to Ajax. I ignored the slight quiver in my voice, and the tears welling in my eyes. "He was always kind. But, my parents almost treated it like a... like a disease of some kind, I guess. But it helped me feel more free, in some ways. But, in othaer ways..." a tear finally fell, and Ajax put his hand on my bare arm, trying to comfort me. "In other ways, it made me feel like I was wrong. And, I guess that why I dated Zoey. I... I didn't exactly want it to be true.

"So, in time I turned to alcohol. I'm not sure I'd consider myself an addict, but I definitely didn't say no once I got my hand on some beer. I'd always try to justify it—shots in the morning if I were stressed, for example. But, eventually, I decided drinking wasn't for me. So, I've been sober for two and a half years."

Silence fell over us for some time. I counted the stars, looking at constellations, amazed at how small it made me feel.

Ajax's voice finally broke me from the dreaming. "So you didn't drink that night in the bar?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. I had a coke. You were the only drunk one—and let me tell you, you were wasted."

There was another silence. "How are you and your parents now?" Ajax questionedz

I sighed. "We're fine. I think the whole experience brought us closer in some ways."

Clearly seeing the subject was done, Ajax moved on. "When was your first boyfriend?" He asked.

I chuckled, pulling him closer. "Isn't it my turn to ask a question?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Whatever."

I planted a kiss on his forehead, and I couldn't resist the tug on my lips.

Ajax slowly started drifting off to sleep. I smiled as he drowsily leaned up and gave me a kiss. "Steve," he sighed, eyes barely open. "I love you."

My body froze, unsure of how to respond. But, Ajax's body had fallen limp, his breaths steady, chest rising and falling along with it. He looked peaceful, angelic, and so vulnerable.

It didn't take long for the initial shock of his words to wear off, and I was stuck staring at the sleeping boy on my chest.

I soon started to doze off, the stars twinkling above the two of us.

But, before I could fall asleep, I let my lips go once again to his forehead. I stroked Ajax's hair, my ability to stay awake slowly slipping away.

I sighed, mimicking the faint one on Ajax's lips.

"I love you, too."