Grievously Prideful (Jungkook x Lisa)

3

- Lisa

"That's your fifth sigh since we had a breakfast. It's alread afternoon, what's with you, Manoban?"
         Jennie eonnie commented and asked.

Jisoo eonnie who's sitting on the edge of the pool here at the back of our dorm nodded in agreement with her.

"What happened?"
         Chaeyoung asked as she sat beside Jennie eonnie on the relax chair.

I looked at the water on the pool.
The sun is setting down already.

"I thought you and Bambam had a talk? Wait, what actually happened to the two of you?"
            Jisoo eonnie asked standing from hernseat and making her way to the other two on the relax chair beside the pool.

While me...
I stayed where I am.

At the edge of the pool, my feet on the water.

"I..."
       I wanted to tell...but my heart feels so heavy.

"You what?"
       As I didn't continued, Jisoo eonnie asked me.

I sighed again...
Literally, for the sixth time this day.

"If I told them...
The even of betrayal between me and Chaeyoung will be bragged again. We might have that conflict again."

I shook my head and forced out a smile.

"That's nothing. It's just a simple bicker between me and Bambam."
          I stated, telling the truth that me and Bambam have a fught but the lie about it is when I said it is simple.

Nothing these days are easy for me.
Everything turned to be hard and harder, day by day.

I feel like the rain gets to be a storm.

I am used on waking up in the morning with a very dull expression which I never had before.

"For all of the woman in the world...

Why does it need to be Chaeyoung?"

I looked back down at the water.

"Seema like that fight is pretty huge. Yo are really devastated."
       Chaeyoung commented with a serious tone.

I just chuckled wanting them to stop from asking...especially her.

If nothing happened between her and Jungkook...

Nothing will happen between me and Bambam.

"Until now...
My ego is hurt as if the event before left a fracture on my soul already."

But I can't say a thing to them now.

After that conflict I had with Chaeyoung...

My heart voluntarily built its own walls.
And that limits me from trusting anyone.
That limits me to share my thoughts even to them, even if I told everyone that I accepted the facts already.

I can pretend to be fine with everything...
I can act everyday that I'm genuinely happy.
I can show everyone my smile, I can catch their ears by my laughs...

But that all of that wasn't true inside me.

Since that day my pride lifted its ownself...

I never became true to anyone.

Even to Jisoo eonnie, Jennie eonnie, Bambam or even to myself.

There are times I'm disingenuously telling myself to smile though it breaks you so much.

Myself, myself will always remind me to act fine and to act happy infromt of everyone...though my inside is crashing, falling apart like a building with a weak foundation.

My head lifted a little...

I heard Jisoo eonnie and Jennie eonnie laughing with Chaeyoung...just like the way they used to before everything of this had ever started.

My eyes watched them tease each other, laugh with each other and be happy with each other.

"I thought we built a very perfect foundation...
But with an unexpected scenario happened that made me realize, our foundation is composed of fake materials."

I used to be that Lisa who will annoy them with my laugh, with my jokes and else.

But now...

I can't even imagine myself doing those things anymore.

I know I'm a little over reacting about what happened several months ago...

And I know I should have erased the memory since Chaeyoung almost died on the hospital.after receiving a gun shot from Chanyeol's guard but...

I don't know...

My pride lifted itself to the highest level it can reach...I can't even see my own standard because of it.

It is really hard for me to do this...
This pretending, seeming, acting...
Also this scenes when I'm watcing them to be happy and fine again.

This kind of scenarios when Chaeyoung is really happy, genuinely happy, without anything to worry, fine and kicking.

While me...

I'm on the verge of getting incongruous mind.
And having this unfavorable feeling.

"Are things being unfair to me?"

I know life has a plan for me...

"I can trust life...
But the people around me...
I can't trust them anymore."

People usually will tell you that...

"There are times when life will really caught you and will be unfair with you, but you need to bare with it and get through every problems."

But as I grew up until now...
As I got to be mature, as experiences taught me...
I have a question...

"Is it the life who is unfair to us?
Or the people that belongs to our life?"

"I feel like I'm under a pumishment.
Did I do somehing bad or wromg to someone?
Why do I need to experience this?
For all of the people in the world, why me?"

I want to ask but I don't want to doubt the fate's plans for me...

What I need to is...

"Wait...
Lisa, wait.

Don't worry...
You're used on waiting...
Even if it's nothing."

"Because you're that kind of person who will show appreciation to small things...even if the small things actually means nothing."