Grievously Prideful (Jungkook x Lisa)

57

- Lisa

They took an hour before they finally left the dorm.

And it has been more than hour and I am still sobbing.

I can't hold it anymore, I said I am numb...
But the moment I saw his eyes, I felt his presence and his warmth reaching my body...

"I felt so fragile, I felt so weak."

For the second time...
I didn't break up with him just because it is hard for me to fight with him, not because I can't, not because I don't want to.

It is because he is having a hard time fughtimg for me too. He is tired, but he is trying evert thing to let us work out though we all know we can't while having these issues on our companies and on my family.

If we kept on trying, I am afraid he will get tired to the point that it is him who is giving up already. I am afraid that the love will fade that way, that everything will wash our feelings away from each other.

It is breaking me to see him this way now...
But it is better than for us to wait until we both got numb and just bid goodbyes in the future due to these shits happening to us.

For some reasons, we need to fight for each other.

But for most of the reasons, this is better.
This is much better, breaking us apart like this is much better.

Besides, I am not thinking about my own career, but also his career. Include the careers of our members. I know they want us back, but we all worked hard to these positions, I can't let our members sacrifice their own careers just because me and Jungkook want to be together.

"I am being considerate with everything, with everyone."

If this situation doesn't include my parents and Bambam, I, myself, will announce that Jungkook and I are in a relationship and I will face JYP and Tzuyu with a middle finger up...

But no...

The fate includes my family and the other's careers.

And includes the whole South Korea.

I don't want Jungkook to be judged as how much people are judging me because I got announced being engaged with Bambam just after dating Jungkook.

I don't want our conflicts to get more complicated once we tried fighting for each other again.

I don't want to end our careers, as well as our member's careers.

I don't want us to receive more hates than we are receiving now.

People are still believing that I am a slut after what happened. And because of that, they thought of my eonnies and Chaeyoung as the same as me.

They are receiving hates and foul words too, they are earning hates too. BLINKs are always there, protecting us, but we actually can't let them have more problems just because we depend on them as our guards.

Them supporting us are enough already, protecting us is too much and them getting hurt because we are getting bashed...that's more than something.

Some left the fandom because of me.

Some ARMYs hates us, as they knew Bangtan is seeing us probably because last time before tonight, Jungkook banged himself outside our gate shouting out my name. And also because I dated him before.

Some BLINKs are leaving the fandom, believing that I am a bad apple on the group.

And mostly, ONCE are those who really send us hates and hateful words.

I can not let my members feel stress, pressured and depressed because of this.

Chaeyoung once tried killing herself, hat more if she receives too much than she can carry.

Jennie eonnie, she cries on her room every night after hearing and reading hateful and disdainful words from the crowd.

The three of us are not like Jisoo eonnie who is having fun reading the negative comments, besides, I know, Jisoo eonnie is having a hard time too with those hates we are earning. I often hear her sighing whole putting her phone on silent.

We are all affected just now, what more if Jungkook and i forced everyone with our relationship. We might receive a missile here on our dorm.

"Why is it so hard for us? Why can't we have a normal life? Yes, we are idols and being loved and hated at the same time should be accepted...but this is too much, we are having too much.

I am having...too much."