Sinner

Hoseok

Since that unfortunate and heart breaking conversation with Jin, I've avoided him like the plague-which is extremely difficult to do when you share a house. Yup.
I've made sure to never leave my room until I know he's in his or out of the house. He cooks for me but since I refuse to open my door for him, he just leaves the meals out in the hall. Sometimes I'll hold going to the bathroom all day just to wait for him to leave or go I bed.
I'm humiliated. I gave everything to him, gave up prospective relationships for him and a lot of my old freedoms to be the person he deserves. All this time he was just playing me. No intention of returning my feelings.
I just can't honestly believe it. How can someone so pure and innocent be so cruel. I love him. I know I do. Several times when I want to meet up with Jungkook and Tae, I'll just climb out the window and call an Uber to take me to town.
I refuse to meet up with Namjoon, though. I know he wants Jin and all I can think of is how Jin let him flirt and touch him the last time he was here. Fuck that.

     "H-Hoseok?" Jin knocks on my door, sounding hesitant. "Yoongi is on the phone." He adds, making me roll my eyes. Of course. Why couldn't he just call my phone? Oh yeah, it's dead.
I reluctantly crack the door open and hold my hand out for the phone. He sighs and tries to speak but I just slam the door shut and put the phone to my ear. "Hey."
"Hoseok! How are you? I wanted to tell you some good news."
I furrow my brow. He sounds different. Odd. "I'm okay, I guess. What's the news?"
"I'm moving back to Seoul!"
My eyes widen in surprise and I let my thoughts fall away from my own issues. "Really, hyung?! That's great. Are you and Jimin going to still live together?" I ask.
He chuckles. "I'm not sure. Probably. I'll clue you in on everything when we get back. How's it going with Jin?"
I really wish he hadn't of asked that. Really. "He's great. I'm great. Everything's great." I mumble.
"Are you sure? You sound upset."
"I'm fine, hyung. Can't wait to see you guys soon." Maybe I can love in with them. Third wheel is better than this torture.
"Yeah, okay. I'll call you when we get back."
"Okay. Bye."
I hang up the phone and attempt to slide it under the door to Jin who is still waiting outside the door. "Will you stop being a baby and talk to me?" He demands.
I ignore him and attempt to push the phone under the door like the immature child I am but it won't fit. Groaning, I finally open the door and place it in his waiting hand then turn around to escape but his hand grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop.
"This is ridiculous! You're being childish Min Hoseok! Talk to me!" He raises his voice in frustration.
      I try to wiggle my arm free but he denies me any leeway. "Leave me alone! It's what you want anyway." I yell, tears of anger and embarrassment slipping down my cheeks.
      "I never said that!" He replies, just as upset.
      He drops the phone and crowds me against the wall with his body, cupping my cheeks and forcing me to stare into his eyes. His pure beautiful eyes. I suck in a sharp breath as he hugs me, tightening his grip. "Please, stop avoiding me. Please talk to me." He pleads.
       I stand still and refuse to let my guard down and hug him back. He really hurt me. "Why do you care? I think we both know you don't want me. Why bother?" I mutter bitterly.
      He groans and pulls back. "I never said that, Hoseok. I...just...I'm confused, okay? I've went my whole life thinking I don't need someone to love then all of the sudden you come barging into my life and change everything. You test my beliefs and my resolve. I'm just so...unsure of everything."
      I bite down on my lip, holding my tongue. "What's the point of this now? You got what you wanted from me."
I pull myself free of his grasp and cross my arms over my chest. "You can move on and go back to your happy life, forgetting all about me. I'm not going to make you pretend. Am I hurt? Yeah, but I know when I'm not wanted and I'd rather we be honest with each other. I'm more hurt you strung me along for so long instead of just telling me the fucking truth."
      He falls silent and stares at me, hurt and guilt playing over his features. I shake my head. "I think I should move out. I'll get a job and leave, okay? Problem solved."
      "No. You don't have to leave, Hoseok. Please don't do anything rash."
       I laugh. Bitterly. "I can't live here forever. I'm an adult now so it's more than time for me to leave. You don't even have to feel guilty. It's as it should be, okay? I'll disappear from your life so it can get back on track. I don't want to be the reason you become miserable."
       He frowns. "You don't make me miserable. I...enjoy your company."
       "We haven't been in each other's company in a long time now. It's better this way. Better for me. I need to move on and find someone I can actually be in a real relationship with. I deserve that." I sigh.
      "You do But-"
      "But nothing." I cut him off. "We can go back to being nothing. We. Are. Nothing." I boldly remind him. Reminding myself.
      He opens his mouth to reply but nothing comes out.
      "I'll be gone by next week." It's better this way. I deserve someone that can love me back and not feel ashamed.