Sinner

Jimin

     I wake up to my phone going off. Groaning in pain, my eyes swollen and puffy from crying so much, I crawl out of bed and pick it up. "H-hello?"
     It's too dark and quiet in the apartment. I'm obviously alone. I check the ID. Hoseok.
    "Jimin..."
    I don't like his tone. "Y-Yeah? Have you seen Yoongi?" I ask, my throat clogging up with fresh tears.
     He sighs long and hard. "We're at the hospital." He pauses. "I have to tell you something."
     My heart seizes. "What is it? Just say it!"
     "Yoongi's been dealing drugs for Namjoon. I thought it best I leave so I went to stay with Taehyung and your brother. I saw him, Jimin. Dealing. T-then.."
     I fall to my knees and clutch my stomach, feeling sick. "Then what?"
     "He's been doing drugs, too. He overdosed tonight, Jimin. He's in the ER right now but we don't know anything yet. I thought you should know." He sounds like he's about to cry.
      I drop the phone and get dressed as quickly as possible, calling for an Uber, I head to the hospital, trying so hard not to break down and cry again. I have to be strong. We've been through so much to lose it all now.
     I know this is all my fault. Even before Hoseok, I should have known with how Yoongi's been acting. It's so obvious now. He's changed so much. I'm so fucking dense.
      I spot them as soon as I enter the hospital and fall into a chair between Jungkook and Hoseok. I notice Jin holding Hoseok and give him a sad smile. Maybe he can still find happiness. I hope so. I can't blame him for this. It's solely on me. I asked him to fuck me. I practically forced Yoongi into a relationship with me. I drove him to this. He was so much better off without me fucking up his life.
I let Hoseok fall into his Jin obsession. I didn't fight for him when he left me because I was too wrapped up in Yoongi. My deepest darkest obsession. Everything up to this point can be traced back to me.
And if Yoongi dies...I will kill myself. I can't live without him. Even with his temper and his violence and his pain and his secrets...I need him too badly. I'm selfish, I know this. I can't let go. I won't.

"Family of Min Yoongi?" A pretty nurse comes out with a clipboard. We all jump up.
"Yes." I say, my nerves eating me alive.
"Mr. Min is stable. We've placed him in a forced coma so his body can recover. He's very lucky to be alive right now. Has he been mixing drugs for a long time? His body is very damaged from long term abuse." She frowns.
     I shudder in a breath and cross my arms over my middle, sick. My fault...he's like this because of me...
     "I d-don't know. I didn't know..." I manage to choke out.
     Her expression turns sympathetic and she rests a hand on my shoulder. "He'll recover."
     "H-how long will you induce his coma?" I ask quietly, feeling Hoseok come up behind me and grip my hand.
     "For a few days, at least. He needs plenty of rest to recover and, of course, he's going to suffer withdrawals. He might possibly may have to consider rehab. We going over five different drugs in his system. Toxic on their own in large doses, mixed together-it's a wonder he survived at all." She sighs.
      I nod, stepping back into Hoseok's arms. Needing comfort. I know this is hitting him hard too. This is his brother.
     "T-thank you." I feel Jungkook come over and squeeze my arm. "Can we see him?"
     She looks us over. "Alright. For a few minutes. You can then come back tomorrow. He'll be moved into another wing of the hospital then." She leads us through the doors and into an elevator. After a few confusing twists and turns, he arrive at his room and my breath stops as I stare at his lifeless form on the bed.
     Sure, he's alive but just barely. A machine works his lungs while several other tube give him nutrition and I guess the other keeps him unconscious.
     I move to his side and grasp his cold hand. Thinking of his lovely smile the very first time I saw him. He seemed so bright and happy and completely different.
     I can't believe the way I saw him back then. All of it was an illusion. He hid so well his suffering and his darkness. Sure, he opened up a crack and showed me some things here and there but closed up before I could get the whole picture. Never trusting me to help save him. Save us.
     I rest my head on his chest and listen to the reassuring sound of his heartbeat. In the corner of my eye, I see Jin pull Hoseok into his arms as he sobs. I force myself not to join him and stay calm. Strong for my boyfriend.
    I promised to be Yoongi's strength so long ago and I lost sight of that for awhile, stuck in my own pain. No more. I will be his pillar no matter what. Even if he never forgives me. Even if he never wants me back...I will stand by him until I die and I will support him and raise him from the depths of which he's trapped himself.
     I will remain his rock. I have to stop thinking about myself and my own suffering. I will do anything I can to save this man. The very man that saved me from a life that he's now drowning in.
     Because of him, I straightened up and stopped doing drugs and whoring around, I completed my education and planned to start a stable career and life. I did it all for him. Now, I have to focus solely on his recovery.
     I squeeze his hand and smile, wiping my tears. We've sunk so low from where we started, baby, but don't worry. I'm going to fix everything. I won't be selfish anymore. You are my everything. Always.