Sinner

Yoongi

    I hang up the phone and stare down at the ground. The loose scrubs hurt as they brush over the bruises on my skin. Still sensitive from the beating Namjoon so graciously gave me yesterday just because.
     I walk dejectedly back to my-our-room. My stomach all in knots. I don't want to go back. I wish Namjoon would just leave me alone. I wish someone would come visit him so he could just be gone for a little while. I was counting on Jimin's visit to make things better for just a little while.
     I reluctantly walk back into the room to see Namjoon messing around on his phone, smirking. How the hell does he smuggle this shit in? He's always got a hook up or something banned. It's beyond ridiculous.
     He glances up at me as I close the door. "Sup, angel boy. Your boyfriend decide to my show up?" He laughs.
      I ignore him and lay on my bed, facing away from him. Unfortunately he can't take the fucking hint, and jumps on my bed, forcing me over and straddling my legs. He holds his phone up. "Got something to cheer you up, babe." He mocks.
     I struggle as he pulls out his trusty familiar baggy. "This to take the edge off. Aren't I being a good friend, hm?" He smirks, forcing my mouth open and the pills down my throat. I choke, gagging as he suddenly crushes his mouth to mine, his tongue violating my mouth, his saliva drenching my throat and forcing me to swallow the pills.
     I cough and gasp for air as he holds me down. I scream out for help but he hits me in the face, covering my mouth so hard I bite my tongue and taste blood.
    Tears fill my eyes as I try to breathe. He puts his phone out in front of my face forcing me to look at it. My brow furrows as a picture of my boyfriend kissing another man pops up. The setting being a fancy restaurant. My stomach drops as I see the date.
     Is this why he couldn't come for me? He's already replacing me? Namjoon laughs, seeing my broken distress and begins kissing on my neck.
     I don't bother to stop him. I'd just get another beating and what's the point? I came here to better my life for Jimin and he's...he's cheating on me.
     I close my eyes as the familiar rush consumes me and only moan in pleasure pain as my shirt is pulled off and his teeth bite into my nipples. I put my hands up to attempt to stop him but they only cling to his shoulders as the euphoric ecstasy kicks in.
     My pants and boxers are thrown across the room as he groans with impatience and forces my legs apart, fucking me hard and raw. No preparation. I don't care.
     I just don't...give a fuck anymore. It doesn't really hurt so bad now. Not with the drugs. My life is worthless anyway. Even Jimin has finally given up on me.
    I'm just a useless dirty whore and drug addict according to Namjoon and he's right. It has to be true, right? I'm nothing. Trash. My parents knew that, my younger brother understood that...the love of my life knows that...there's nothing left for me.
      As Namjoon's lip latch back onto mine, I kiss him back. Not because I want him or it feels good but...because why not? I have nothing to lose. This isn't life. I'm not living. I just want it to end.
     My tears dry up as my body is bruised and abused, used to someone else's satisfaction. At least I'm useful to someone.
      Disgusting words and curses are whispered in my ear as he cums inside me, brutally riding out his orgasm, the drugs and his body forcing me to cum as well. I get nothing out of it. I feel nothing.
     When it's over, he climbs off and settles back on his own bed, leaving me naked and empty and cold. I stare at the ceiling until they call for dinner. Namjoon changes his scrubs and smacks my thigh as he leaves me alone.
     When he's gone, I hesitantly get up. The drugs wearing off and my ass throbbing. My stomach aching from hunger. I ignore them both.
     Falling to my knees, I pick up the phone he left behind and scroll to the pictures.
     Jimin being kissed...
     Jimin moaning in pleasure as the same man pulls off his clothes, groping his ass...
     J-jimin...against the wall as he's fucked....
     I stop when I can no longer see the pictures through my tears. Wiping my eyes, I put the phone back and bring my gaze to Namjoon's bag under the bed. With shaking desperate hands, I grab it and begin going through it, trying to find anything I can....
     My fingers close over a full bag of little blue pills. I snatch them and hide them away, my other hand also pulling out a pocket knife.
     I stare blankly at the wall when he returns. He ignores me finally and plays on his phone. Small blessings, I suppose.
     I slowly lay down and cover myself up, feeling way too cold. Staring at the wall, I think. Just think.
     Of Jimin...
     Of my parents...
     Of Hoseok...
     Of every life I've helped or harmed by being alive...
     I'm tired. Just...so fucking tired.