Hold On

Chapter 39

 I walked downstairs the next morning, the sounds of my footsteps were the only noise being made throughout the house. It made my anxiety rise. I ate some breakfast, and as soon as I felt satisfied, I went back upstairs to my room and thought that maybe a day inside would be good for me. It was Saturday and I had nothing to do until later tonight when I leave for the gallery in downtown Jersey.

I took out my sketchbook an started to draw. I had charcoal in my hands, and before I knew it, I was making my way over to a larger canvas. I stood over it, creating a likeness of mystery on my paper. I had my headphones on and before I would fathom how I had been standing there working on this masterpiece, the sun was at it's hottest shining in from my window, and the birds outside were chirping. My iPod had died in the process of all of it, and my house was completely silent. It almost deafened me, and I had to do something to distract myself. I turned on my Bluetooth and started playing my playlist. The first song that came on was by NSYNC and I was at times embarrassed with myself when I played it out on public. As time went by I found myself dancing and singing along to 'Drive Me Crazy By Brittany.'

"Well, this is new." I heard a laugh from behind me.

I quickly turned around, scared that I hadn't heard anyone come in, but relaxed when I saw Ethan. "Whoa, you scared me!"

"Did I really just walk in on you dancing to Britney Spears? Maybe there are still some things we need to learn about each other." He started to chuckle as he dropped the bag in his hands to the floor, and fell back on to my bed.

He stood back to his feet when he started to stare over at my drawing in front of me. He examined it, and I felt a little uneasy, wondering what was going through his head. Did he think I was crazy? I hope not.

It was a shaky sketch of a girl sitting with her knees tucked into her chest and her head in her lap. She was crying, alone and maybe she was a little depressed. I felt like this was something I wanted to keep from Ethan, only because I didn't want him to feel as though he wasn't helping me. Truth be told, he was really the only person holding me together, because no one else has really been around to talk me through this.

"Is this how you feel?" He asked seriously. I hesitated, standing still. But he continued, "You can tell me." His eyes flickered to the painting to me.

I felt tears prick in my eyes, and my breathing was short, but I managed to answer him as I nodded, "Lately."

He fell back on to my bed once again and motioned for me to sit by him. As I went to sit down beside him, he looked at me confused and pulled me onto his lap. He looked at me like something was wrong with my thinking process, and I should have known what he meant, and maybe I should have. My mind has been in a completely different place recently. I wasn't sure how to get over something like this.

Ethan's arms wrapped around my waist, and his head was resting on my shoulder. It felt like security like it always had, but once he sighed in my ear and loosened his grip on me, I knew there was something up with him. I never even asked why he was here in the first place. I liked to believe that he was here just to see me, but maybe it was really because he wanted some comforting as much as I did. Or maybe there was something he had to say

"What's wrong with you?" I asked somewhat worried. "You've been...acting really...strange around me lately."

I've thought about this many times this week. Ethan had been very distant and I'm started to think that it's not only because of his work.

"Nothing." He shook his head.

I instantly felt a rush of anger flow through me, like we didn't have that relationship anymore where we could tell each other everything. I immediately stood up from his lap and turned to look at him. I glared down at him as he slowly brought his eyes to meet mine, like a dog that knows it's in trouble.