Hold On

Chapter 40

        The next morning, I was defeated. The dreaming had messed up my sleeping and I woke up several times throughout the night. I hated this so much that I wanted to scream. I walked into my closet, threw on a homemade version of a shirt that said "WTF am I doing awake?" And some high waisted, black jeans with a pair of my white converse. I put part of my hair up in the back a few strands hanging down in the front. this wasn't how I wanted to spend the last few days of my high school career.

I skipped breakfast that morning, not because I had to, but because I wasn't hungry. My senses were messed up and my appetite was weak, but I have no idea how to fix it.

I pulled into the parking lot, just like every other day. Did what I had to do...just like every other day. Only today, Ethan seemed to pay a bit more attention to me than he has been. If he caught me staring, he'd give me a welcoming smile and go back to what he was doing. It may not have been the same, but it was something.

"Hey smashton." Jamie laughed as he approached our lunch table. "I'm having a party tomorrow night. You gotta come. Get out of this funk you're in and have some fun!" He said with his arm around my shoulder.

I giggled, "That rhymed."

He began to laugh, "You're amused by the smallest of things."

"Yes, I'm aware. And yes, I'll go. You're right, I need to get over this."

After that, I went about my day naturally, and I never went to Ethan's lessons again. I needed my space from him, and he needed his space from me. Plain and simple. I started to question this party was a good idea. Jamie is known for having some wild parties but was a good idea.  From what I hear something always goes wrong. I'm a walking piece of metal that bad luck is just magnetized to. It was probably not something I should even consider, but I didn't. I needed something to take my mind off of E, and this could be perfect.

So as the next day came, I realized it was the senior's last day of high school for good. I realized that I had my last moments with Ethan in his classroom, and this was it. No more sneaking around after school, not only because school was ending, but because we were over. Our relationship was done now. I got quite emotional around school. Saying goodbye to some of the teachers I wouldn't be seeing at graduation, but some of the students too for that matter. But, when I saw Ethan, everything got a little worse. It was like any emotion I was feeling in that moment magnified by ten times. News spreading throughout my friends to get me was that his student teacher ad finally left, and he was back to his original self. I supposed I could say that that's a good thing.

I tried to spend some quality time with Violet that day. I knew I wouldn't see her much unless it was over the summer or with Anthony. I owed a lot of my respect to her. She inspired me to be the best that I could, just by being herself. I admired that trait in her. I hoped to god that she keeps it for as long as she can. It's unique. I also made sure I stopped by to see Mr.Tanner, Mr.Gallagher and Mrs.Bartholomew for all of their help this year.

Finally, the time had come for all of us to say goodbye to teachers, underclassmen and everyone in between. We were finally done with High school, and most of us had plans to leave the state for college in the fall. Not me. I was on my way to Otis. Just like it had been like in the dream I had before I woke up in the hospital in January except this time, I won't be living with Ethan.

I got home, and immediately remembered Jamie's party. I searched through my clothes and found a multicolored crop top to go along with a flow pink skirt that secured itself with a belt. I slid on some nice high heels and some gold jewelry. I kept my hair in a short crafty mess, and my makeup simple as always. Once I finished up, it was just about time for me to head to Jamie's house.