In The Ruins...

Chapter 17 (Part 1)

Arohi's POV

I just don't know what to do with me anymore. Rohan Nanda is making my life much more complicated. No matter how much I act like he doesn't affect me but in the end, I know it very well that he does. He does affect me to the core that it hurts badly.

And I am very well aware that I shouldn't feel this way towards him. It's not right. In fact, it's a sin to feel so much attracted or connected to Rohan like that. I sometimes feel like I'm cheating on Rahul and in some ways, yes I am. It would be a complete lie if I say there haven't been times when I forget my past and get lost in the moment with Rohan, there have been times when I thought of 'us' together in a future crept to my mind. These thoughts made me pathetic and I know I am! I hate myself for the person I am now, I hate myself for my thoughts and my stupid feelings. I hate that Rohan is now the reason for my bliss and my suffering, it should only be Rahul, it always has been Rahul.

I don't want to change that. I don't want to move on from Rahul, I don't want any other man in my life. I won't let anyone take his place in my heart. That place only belongs to Rahul and no one else.

So, I guess it's better for me to stay away from Rohan now. It's good for me if I don't get involved in his life. Anyway, he hasn't involved me much in his life, it's just me who shamelessly tries to get involved. But from now on I'm gonna stop that. I'll just get over with that album quickly so that I don't have to interact with Rohan much. I'll be at peace. But then again, I doubt that will be the case. I know myself, I'll try to get in touch with him somehow and with Jenny and Raghav being my best friends now I don't think I can eliminate Rohan from my life completely too. God! Why I accepted that offer in the first place? I was living just fine before Rohan came into my life.

Thinking about him again, I haven't seen or talked to him for two days now. He didn't even bother to text me after whatever he did that night. Does meeting with Ahana made him forgot everything? Is she that much important to him that he didn't even bother to check on me or ask me if I'm fine? What am I thinking?! He's 'The Rohan Nanda'! How can I expect any kind of caring gesture from him?! I just think that I don't hold any importance in his life to be even worthy of an apology. But here I am, thinking about him hopelessly even when I don't want to.

"What's up? Finally, I got to see you face after god knows how many days." I was brought back from my trail of thoughts by hearing the ever so cheerful voice of Jenny. She came and sat opposite me with a wide grin on her face. I smiled back at her.

We were at our usual hangout spot, meeting up after a long time. I haven't met her or Arjun or even Raghav after that trek. At first, it was due to work but later on, it was because of Rohan. I'm really tired of faking my smile and acting like I'm fine when I'm dying inside. Also, I needed a break from his thoughts, staying away from him was the best way possible. That's the exact reason why I didn't want to meet anyone but Jenny was persistent and stubborn. She called so many times asking me to meet her and how long could I have possibly said no to her after her infinite attempts to reach to me? Besides, I didn't have any option as we were in the same place as our work commitments. So, here I'm sitting in a restaurant with her for lunch.

"Yeah! Sorry about that. I... um..." I looked down at the menu card in front of me not knowing how to answer that question of her. I felt guilty for ignoring her. I know how it feels when someone ignores you and I did the same. I let out all my anger for Rohan on other three people. But I didn't intend to do it. It just happened unknowingly and unintentionally.

Now, I feel bad. I pushed the people who care for me for the one who I doubt even bother about my existence.

"That's fine for now as you aren't looking much good. So, I forgive you on one condition." Jenny said in a concerned voice. I looked up at her meeting her concerned gaze. She smiled a little at me as she continued further. "You have to tell me what is bothering you so much?"