In The Ruins...

Chapter 23

Rohan's POV

I stood in a distance watching Arjun as he sat on the bench in the garden alone. He was just watching ahead of him in space. Maybe in deep thinking about how can he help his jackass friend who is playing with his life. I know, I was making everyone's life hell by making them worry about me. They want to see me happy but I just can't help it because I am not. No matter what Ahana or anyone else says I know that I could have saved Aaryan and that guilt is eating me up.

He was my brother, my biggest supporter, he is the reason I was living the dream I dreamt in the school first when I saw "Unity" perform live. Music has always been my first love, my passion, my only escape from reality. But when I saw this band performing the passion I had to become a musician went to another level. I loved the craze people had for them. I wanted the same fame and love for myself. I wanted to be on stage surrounded by the screams. I wanted people to go crazy for me. I saw that dream coming alive with Aaryan, because of Aaryan and when it was my turn to fulfill his, he went too far from me. I was the reason for it. His mom was right when she said that I murdered her son because I did.

If only everyone would have blamed me for the sin I did, it would have been less painful. I wouldn't have been this guilty.

Seeing everyone suffer because of me is tough but I need to do this. I can't pretend anymore. I just can't do it anymore. I want to be alone. I deserve to be left alone. That's how I can pay for what I have done.

"What are you doing there?" Arjun's deep voice brought me out of the thoughts. I looked at him with a blank face just to see him looking back at me. I let out a sigh as I walked towards the bench.

"Nothing. Can't I come to my own garden?" I said as I sat beside him, looking ahead of us. I heard Arjun letting out a sigh.

"You asshole... I guess I really need to beat you up." He talked in low voice more like he was talking to himself. I chuckled a little at that. I know I was getting on everyone's nerves and that was my intention too. But at the same time, I knew no one is leaving anytime soon.

"Why would you bring her?" I asked looking at my hands.

"I guess Ahana already told..." Arjun was trying to say when I cut him with a deep sigh. He looked at me confused.

"I am talking about Arohi, you ass. Why would you bring her here? Just let her live her damn life. Wasn't others enough that you brought her too?" I said with an irritated tone.

"Why are you blaming me for that? Is she kid? Can't she come on her own?" Arjun said with so much annoyance.

"Listen Arjun..." Arjun didn't let me finish the sentence.

"I don't want to." He said rolling his eyes at me as he went ahead. "And don't you have to apologize to me?"

"For what?" I said faking confused expression. That was the first reason I came here searching for Arjun. I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I never talked to Arjun like that before. He is like my elder brother who has taken care of me the most when I was miserable. He got me out of India from all the mess and helped me settle in London. Who kept a tab on me for all those years. Kept visiting me every month until I got better. He has gone through so much to keep me safe. But I anyway had a change of mind about apologizing and I don't want to show my soft side to anyone, not even to Arjun. I've made up my mind to make them walk away from me and live their life without me. Showing any sort of emotion would result in them holding on to me tighter than before. And I don't want that. I'm done being a burden on them and I don't want to be anymore. But I can't go back to being the old Rohan as they want me to, it's impossible for me. It's as impossible as reversing Aryan's death. So the only way I have to keep them happy and live their life is to make them hate me.